Friday, January 18, 2008

Ashes to Ashes


So, since I spent the majority of this week with my family I think I learned some new stuff about myself. Actually, I didn't actually learn anything new, I just had to come to terms with some things. One of those things is that I am one ashy son of a gun. I am so ashy that it ain't even cute. I know the reason why I am ashy (I usually use the term rusty); it is because I don't use lotion. I hate the way lotion, greases and oils feel on my skin. I always have. I don't put oil in my hair. I mean, I don't even use lubricants when I masturbate. Er, I mean, when I use to masturbate, when I was way younger, because of course I don't do indulge in that kind of stuff now. Not that there is anything wrong with masturbation, mind you. I mean if that's you I ain't mad at ya, but.....Er, awkward pause.....Moving on.....
Anyway, my ashiness is something that I can deal with because normally it goes unnoticed. However, when you are sitting on the floor in the DT room (Defensive Tactics) and you notice, as the legs of your trousers rise up just enough for you to notice that your ankles are a whole different shade than the rest of you. So, you spend the rest of the day trying to to keep you pants legs from rising up, because you don't want anyone to see just how ashy you have allowed your ankles to get. I'm telling you, it may be normal for a white person to have a tan line, but there is nothing attractive about a brother with an ash line. That crap ain't right. And, as you might very well know, your ash factor is increased if you go outside, right after taking a bath or shower, and the cold air hits your skin. (That is just basic black skin chemistry people. Look it up).
So, to solidify this crap, my little nephew has this thing where he can't stand for people to leave their shoes on (what the hell is up with that?), so he always forces me to take off my shoes. Now, of course my nephew could careless about the state of my feet or my ash level, nor could my little brother...But my little sister is another story all together. She has no problem letting a brother know how ashy he is and pulling up the pants leg to see just how far up the ash reaches. No, I don't need to borrow no lotion! I have all kinds of the stuff at home. I just can't bring myself to use it. However, since I was so ashy that it made me ashamed, I broke down and lotioned up. For some reason this weather is recking havoc on my skin. It is all dry and pealing and shyt. I don't like it at all. I can actually deal with the ash, but the peeling is something new and it is gonna drive my ass nuts. I ain't lying.

One Man's Opinion. Peace.

Now, seriously. Did you guys honestly miss this kind of drivel? LOL

13 comments:

Omar Ramon said...

that is so sad and unfortunate. babe...moisture is our friend!

IVENTBYBLOGGING said...

u know what??? u need to get over your aversion to lotion asap! my goodness, doesn't your skin crack from the winter air??
:)


no, i didn't miss that drivel :)

Shazza Nakim said...

I like your sister, we come from the same country ... I am an ASH TRASH Talking Brotha no doubt. You come out the HOUSE, to the Job, or Hang and I will announce to the WORLD YOUR ASH LINE. Don't come around me "Looking Grey", I will scratch my name on your body and tell people to read it.

Seriously though, it is a skin chemistry thing BUT it is also a diet thing too. People who suffer the most (in most cases) are boarderline dehydated or what we call FUNCTIONALLY DEHYDRATED. That is people either don't drink enough liquids or drink liquids that dehydates the body like alcohol/wine, sodas, coffees and teas and most fruit drinks. Just breathing alone drains 2 glasses of water from your body daily.

If you don't like lotions (bad for you anyway) use lite oils like Grapeseed Oil, natural Aloe or Olive Oil. It goes on lite, isn't oily and is health for the skin.

Mizrepresent said...

Oh no, that would drive me crazy...i can't stand ash or dryness, so much so, that i will get up in the middle of the night and slap some more lotion on the affected parts, with some vaseline. Man, i would be like the ASH Patrol on you, if i saw it...it would slathered down with lotion and of course Vaseline.lol.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Look at all yall ash haters up in here. Mr. Omar, I have not heard from him since last year and comes on to hate. My blog twin, hating from Michigan and she know damn well that Obama's ass is ashed out. Shazza, don't even get me started. I have a co-worker who does that writing the name on my arm with her finger nail. I think it's sexual harrassment. Oh, and I don't drink enough water, so you might very well be right about that. I don't drink alcohol though. I'm sorry people, I just can't do lotions grease, oil, ect. Ask my family members. If you tell me I am ashy and I will lick my finger tips and rub the spit into the offending spot. Yeah, I know that is just wrong, but just be glad I didn't take a picture of just how ashy I was the other day. Yall would be sending me Crisco in the mail.

jjbrock said...

Our beautiful skin need that lotion like our hair and scalp needs oil.

James Tubman said...

i'm the same way dawg

i rarely put on anything and i always used to hear about

actually all that lotion is bad for your skin

it has some harmful chemicals that do dammage

i suggest for you and myself get all natural stuff made from berries and stuff like

shea butter is real good

but the natural stuff sold in the incense stores though

One Man’s Opinion said...

Finally! Thank you Tubman.

Shazza Nakim said...

How about if I told you, the microscopic bed bugs that eat dead skin is just FEASTING a storm up on your ashy behinds .... when you put it in that contexts your BEDS must be called Che' Ashy with a 5 Star rating ...... yuuummmmy

Come on fellahs ... COME TO THE SHINNY SIDE .... USE THE FORCE .. I MEAN LOTION.

IVENTBYBLOGGING said...

Bump that...U can always use Olive Oil, if u can't get to Shea Butter.

Now, it looks like u and Gary Coleman have a lot in common :)
Your otha' twin??

guerreiranigeriana said...

you know you wrong for walking around without no damn lotion!!!...i may have to disassociate myself from yo ashy ass!!!!...i do not do ashy homie...i could ship you some shea butter...brought a whole bunch back from naija...the ash must end!!!...

One Man’s Opinion said...

I have not tried Shea butter. I've seen it before, but I thought it was something to eat. LOL

King's Kid said...

I heard you say that you hate lotion and oil, but this season is brutal for our skin type. You might want to give "Glycerin" a try to keep moisture in your skin.

Peace