Friday, January 18, 2008
Ashes to Ashes
So, since I spent the majority of this week with my family I think I learned some new stuff about myself. Actually, I didn't actually learn anything new, I just had to come to terms with some things. One of those things is that I am one ashy son of a gun. I am so ashy that it ain't even cute. I know the reason why I am ashy (I usually use the term rusty); it is because I don't use lotion. I hate the way lotion, greases and oils feel on my skin. I always have. I don't put oil in my hair. I mean, I don't even use lubricants when I masturbate. Er, I mean, when I use to masturbate, when I was way younger, because of course I don't do indulge in that kind of stuff now. Not that there is anything wrong with masturbation, mind you. I mean if that's you I ain't mad at ya, but.....Er, awkward pause.....Moving on.....
Anyway, my ashiness is something that I can deal with because normally it goes unnoticed. However, when you are sitting on the floor in the DT room (Defensive Tactics) and you notice, as the legs of your trousers rise up just enough for you to notice that your ankles are a whole different shade than the rest of you. So, you spend the rest of the day trying to to keep you pants legs from rising up, because you don't want anyone to see just how ashy you have allowed your ankles to get. I'm telling you, it may be normal for a white person to have a tan line, but there is nothing attractive about a brother with an ash line. That crap ain't right. And, as you might very well know, your ash factor is increased if you go outside, right after taking a bath or shower, and the cold air hits your skin. (That is just basic black skin chemistry people. Look it up).
So, to solidify this crap, my little nephew has this thing where he can't stand for people to leave their shoes on (what the hell is up with that?), so he always forces me to take off my shoes. Now, of course my nephew could careless about the state of my feet or my ash level, nor could my little brother...But my little sister is another story all together. She has no problem letting a brother know how ashy he is and pulling up the pants leg to see just how far up the ash reaches. No, I don't need to borrow no lotion! I have all kinds of the stuff at home. I just can't bring myself to use it. However, since I was so ashy that it made me ashamed, I broke down and lotioned up. For some reason this weather is recking havoc on my skin. It is all dry and pealing and shyt. I don't like it at all. I can actually deal with the ash, but the peeling is something new and it is gonna drive my ass nuts. I ain't lying.
One Man's Opinion. Peace.
Now, seriously. Did you guys honestly miss this kind of drivel? LOL