Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Private Thoughts No More

I’m a very private person. I keep to myself and rarely open up about my private life, even to my closest of friends. Sure there have been the occasional deep, dark secretes that I have disclosed to at least two of the friends in my circle, but for the most part I keep everything about me bottled up. Safely locked behind closed door so that I might take them to my grave. I think it is because of this trait in me that people feel comfortable enough to open up to me and sometimes tell me things I really don’t want to know.

I personally believe that is the natural instinct of people, you know, to want to talk about themselves. I am completely the opposite. My theory is that you don’t need to know a damn thing about me, because I don’t know enough about you to trust that you want tell my business. I know, it’s a sucky theory, but it works for me. The reality is that no one can ever say that they know me because I have never felt close enough, safe enough, around anyone to completely open up to them. That being said, I have shared moments, memories and dreams with you could people that I have never shared with family or friend, because of the fear of being judged or misunderstood. I gotta say, for good or for bad, I feel like you people get me. You understand me and you are not going to try and spare my damn feeling by telling me something I want to hear. Some of you are going to give it to me, right out the ass. LOL

Anyway, for whatever reason, people sometimes trust me with things that I am meant to keep to myself, and I normally do. They were swear me to secrecy and I’ll be like, “who am I gonna tell.” Seriously, I am a homebody. I love to be by myself. Mo people, mo problems, I always say. It’s hard to cause drama with yourself. And I am not one to spread gossip. It is just not in me. I think it is because I know what harm it does. Once, Sgt. Lupe asked me if someone said something negative about her if I would tell her about it. I told her “no”, knowing that the answer she wanted to hear was “yes”. You see, Sgt. Lupe is one of those people who like to roll around in mess, like a dog will roll around on a rotten carcass, if you let it. “Nope, I would not tell you, Lupe. What good would that do? And why would you want me to tell you something that might possible hurt you or cause conflict. If someone is dumb enough to say something negative to me about you, knowing that I consider you to be a friend, then I would say what I could to defend you and move on. Telling you serves no purpose.” That is pretty much what I told her, in a nutshell. And I stand by that.

When I created this blog I did so out of my need to speak out on some of the stupid things that people that look like me do. Things that make the head lines and make us all look bad as a race of people, because people judge us by the actions of the people around us and not by what we do ourselves (did that come out right). Now, I am not exactly sure when it happened, but at some point during the growth of my blog I became the Nigger that I was asking people to look at. I found myself given complete strangers a glimpse into the private me. The me that I keep locked behind closed doors. The me that cusses, masturbates (I don’t masturbate), scratches his ass, and gets hemorrhoids. This blog allowed me to unleash the extrovert trapped within my introvert. It was fun.

The other thing it did was give me the opportunity, if I wanted, to talk about some of the things going on around me. I could let loose on some of the crazy things going on in the world of my friends, because you guys don’t know them and I wouldn’t feel like I was breaking a confidence. However, this weekend I stupidly shut the door on that part of my blog life, when I told two of my dear friends about this blog.

Now, although I change the names to protect the innocent, how can I possible feel free to talk about some of the things that my friends do that trouble me. How can I look for counsel in my blog buddies when I am afraid I might self consciously censor myself, so as not to break a confidence? One of the greatest things about the blog world is its anonymity and I have gone and tossed that all away.

Oh, what a dumb-dumb, chicken little.

I guess I’m going to have to go back to making fun of the high society, low class, brothers and sisters and the stupid things they do. “Kobe, tell me how my ass taste.”

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.


Big O said...

I can definitely say that i've been that person that folks has said to me ..."i got a secret that i had to tell someone" , lol .

I was trying to find out the true meaning of the blog , but i dont think its one. Lots of people use to vent....sharing some part of themselves...wanting folks to respond to some thing they wrote. i think i just like to read others blogs,lol.

Im not that good at the blogging thing ...definitely not a blogger like yourself. but i will..time to time..when something hits me thats worth writing about. Until then, i appreciate being entertained by you guys.

FREEDOM said...

Don't fret!

You can always create another blog that is private for those thoughts. But this time around to enter that site you must have a KEY!!!

Anonymous said...

*smacking One Man across the head*

VertigoVirgo said...

I wouldn't necessarily change anythingyou write about. I write about my friends, not everything though because there are somethings you just need to keep to yourself, IF you want to keep having them as friends. Not everything needs to be said you written. If you are that concerned you could always password protect it, keep it up for a week and get the e-mails of those who wish to continue to read and then let them be the only people to read. This may cut you off from gaining new readers anonymously but atleast it will continue to allow you the freedom you have grown so accustomed to. :)

RealHustla said...

Easy solution, start from scratch. You may email the new address to LOL.

Even though you've opened up a lot here, I still don't understand you. I mean, I have to see this thumb sucking thing with my own two eyes.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Glad to entertain you, Big O.

Thanks for that Southern Gal.

I've thought about that, VV. I am still in the planning stages.

Realhustla, I can post a pic, but I think you'd lose respect for me. LOL.

naijalines said...

I think adding a private blog might help. So you'll have two blogs. If there's anyone who can manage two blogs quite successfully, its you. Cos you blog quite often and you never seem to lack material or motivation.

Whatever you decide to do, we'll stand by you.

ViolentLove said...

Glad i jumped in when i did.


I say don't change what ya write about, but you gotta live with it not me, ya know?

Peace you,

fuzzy said...

Change the blog address! lol You can carry on and your two friends will not know the wiser! Just refer everyone to the new blogsite and conveniently leave those two out of the loop!

To really cover your tracks, do a final post, "Blog has been canceled due to personal reasons!"

lolol I'm a genious! haha

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Networking is a part of personal and professional modern life. Blogging changed the script by putting more control in the hands of the networker. You invent your own rules as you go along, which can be dangerous as well as liberating.

Basically, it's all about the discipline you bring to the cyber-table and how you want to express yourself. I think your self-deprecating humor is a sign of being mentally well-balanced and adjusted.

This is what happens to cartoonists who get old and cranky and take themselves and life too seriously:

cathouse teri said...

Wait! Come Back! It gets sappier! :)

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

no writer is quite

One Man’s Opinion said...

You are a genious, Fuzzy. Who knew?

Okay, Mark,I went to the youtube post. I do blog from my bed, are you trying to say I should post a nude photo of myself. I will do that if get back into the shape I want to get into by my birthday this August.

cathouse teri said...

Okay, I can actually comment on the post now. Thanks for coming back for the real show, btw. :)

I'm sorry you are going to have to go back to a little more of a superficial expression of self. I mean, I was really getting into the whole sharing-of-the-hemorrhoids thing! Hee.

Curious said...

You have friends that read your blog? I'm not even sure if I offered cash, my friends would read my stuff.

I think if you are going to be a writer who wants to keep it real like the greats, then sometimes you are going to have to tell yourself dammit and just say your story. Talk about what it is that you want and let the chips fall where they may.

So you may lose a few friends. So some family members may want nothing to do with you ever again. What do yo have to lose? You already said you like to be alone. This is a perfect opportunity for that to remain true.

To serve and protect is the job. To speak the truth should be your life.

Linda said...

*lol* And WHY exactly would that be a sucky theory? I think it's a great theory.. hey, if you're looking for any support.. it works for me too! And very well so ;)

About the blog thing.. let me not say 'I told you so'.. *lol* But really, that's the reason that I keep my blog from everyone I know.. my husband's the only relative that may look..

You know.. so I can freely discuss what happened here and what happened when I was younger.. without getting angry looks for it.. from like.. parents and stuff.. *lmao*

Greetings from the netherlands! ;)

Dreamy said...

dont feel bad, one of my co-worker actually saw me typing on my blog so i had to go back and delete all the blogs that she happened to be in. dont want her to know what i really think about her,lol

anywho just get another blog and email ur faithful readers the new spot url.

Ms Smack said...

I have a couple of real life friends that read my blog. I warned them that they might not like what they read, or it might shock them, especially because I write about my sexual prefences, and other stuff.

They said they'd prefer to hear about my life in person, and don't read it.

I feel for you breaking your own anonymity, but don't assume they'll read it. Or, ask them nicely not to.

See if they respect you enough to leave your private journal alone.

Anonymous said...

My concern here is that in your efforts to not share who you are, you've managed to not share your true feelings as well. Not to the blog world but to the peeps you write about.

I don't write about a bunch of folks but the things I do write, I tell them all. I don't have much of a filter when it comes to my opinion. You may not ask for my two cents but I'll give you at least eight and even let you keep the change!

I understand your dilemma though cuz if you haven't told them folks how you REALLY feel, you sure don't want them to find out the truth by reading it. Hmmm....what's One Man to do?

You want my 2 cents? I think creating a new blog is a cop-out. This could be the event that you needed to happen to either share your true feelings with these folks or stop blogging about them.

There's a saying that I cannot give adequate credit for b/c I've seen it credited to multiple people but the idea remains the same:

"Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Great Minds discuss ideas."

One Man’s Opinion said...

Ieisha, Ieisha, Ieisha, either you missed the boat on this one completely or I didn't explain it right. I never said that I didn't give my view point to my friends on their situations. If you ask me I will tell you, good, bad or indifferent. I said that they hold me to secrecy and there are some secretes you just wanna tell or else you will burst. But then again, you can't trust everyone with a secrete, because some people will break your confidence. No fear of that if I share events with you good people, because yall don't know the parties involved. It is a great relief.

Now, I did say I don't share too much about myself to others, but that's just me.

Re-read my post, Ieisha. I think you missed the boat. But thank you for you two cents. I had to give you a penny of it back.

Opinionated Diva said...

I never feel like you are holding back...sometimes I wish you would though...just a wee bit. The ashy post comes to mind. LOL. I kid.

In the blog world and in the real are entitled to share as much or as little as you would like.

Shaq asking Hobe to tell him how his azz taste...just leaves me speechless!

Black Mamba said...

I did the same thing and then was annoyed by not being able to write freely.

My solution, I switched blog locations/urls and passed the info on to my loyal readers. Voila. It's an annoying hassle, but just enough to remind you to never share that link again. My friends and family know I have a blog, but I refuse to tell them where/what it is...I also made sure they can't google me. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to come back and read this post... that damn eye in the keyhole scared the shit outta me!

A Go Bytch said...

I know exactly how you feel One Man. It's just some stuff I plan on taking to the grave. Until two recent things I told two of my friends(that I'd planned on taking to the grave)...even with a blog I still feel limited to say what it is that's truly going on. For instance my sister was offended at some stuff I'd posted about what was going on with my crazy *** I took it off. It's like man...this is my blog damn!

A Go Bytch said...

I know exactly how you feel One Man. It's just some stuff I plan on taking to the grave. Until two recent things I told two of my friends(that I'd planned on taking to the grave)...even with a blog I still feel limited to say what it is that's truly going on. For instance my sister was offended at some stuff I'd posted about what was going on with my crazy *** I took it off. It's like man...this is my blog damn!

Sha Boogie said...

EXACTLY!!! That's what I've been screaming at you ok..maybe typing furiously, not screaming- blogs are not for friends to read, lol.

They are for us, your blogging buddies to laugh at the stories you tell US about YOUR friends.


Anonymous said...

I’m a very private person too babe, so I FEEL YOU on this post!!!! I feel the same way about the blogging world as though “they get me.” I’m uninhibited and completely real, with no hold backs. Like you, I’ve tried to keep my blog completely anonymous (though I post a pic here and there—but I delete them within 24hrs.) because the things I want to say on my blog, I don’t feel like anyone in my life is a “safe choice” to share these things with. Hell, with my family and friends I RARELY even cuss. I get it all out on the blog… its totally my release. So to you I say, “damn retard, how you gonna just give your blog URL out all willy nilly??!!” Fuzzy’s given you a great idea… keep me in the loop if you decide to go that route! ♥

Oh and LOL @ “I don’t masturbate” right… just like you don’t have a pair of lips on your penis. No worries though, your secrets are safe with us.

Ms Sula said...

*hi, waves*... If you ever decide to go private, please don't forget us not so regular commenters, but every day readers...

I want to keep reading about the Saga over at the DPD... :D

A.Smith said...

Wow. WOW!

Firstly, Just about everything you wrote in that post could describe me. From keeping things bottled up to being that person that your friends come to to share those deep dark secrets they don't want anyone to know (it gets kind of burdensome knowing these dark things about your friends, but whatev).

Secondly, been there done that with the talking about your friends/life/whatever personal. That's why I have three blogs. It's almost like I'm running away or something. I hope you'll reconsider your decision to not let your personal stuff out because I'm here to tell you (and I know you know this already) keeping it bottled up is problematic. I mean, it comes out some way and I have found that blogging is the least problematic way. Having said that, though, I do get where you're coming from and have resorted to being rather cryptic, myself, in my postings (that is, rather than just share my actual story, I tell what happened in a very round-a-bout way). It's the stupid things that happen in our lives that give us perspective on the outside world -- why can't we share it?

-Q. said...

Say bro, I feel you on the privacy.. I dont think im a introverted ,but i am private(with that i do live with 2 others). But like you said you open this blog in a way to...Whatever the reason its theraputic for you- it puts you in a state to relax and release. You invites them into a world of your own. I think you stay tru to form and keep it flava. If they cant accept you being real they cant except you. real talk.(i hate that phrase smh)

Waddap bro -Q.

One Man’s Opinion said...

That's what's up, Q. LOL

One Man’s Opinion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

One Man, no, please, please, PLEASE keep any of those pictures of yourself TO yourself!! (LOL)

My point was that Al Capp ("L'il Abner") went from being one of the most well-paid and renowned cartoonists of the mid-20th Century to being a bitter old fool (Lennon was a cartoonist, too, by the way, and even published two books of them) because he lost that sense of self-deprecating humor that you possess.

Your sense of humor and interaction with others is a good thing, a healthy thing. You can vent on subjects online without "naming names" and being too specific.


I know how you feel. I am a very private person and I never tell lovers or even friends all my business. When I met my current boy friend that all changed, and you how I know he is the one.

One day you will meet that one whom you will be able to reveal all and they will love you the more for it.

It's very liberating.

MP said...

this makes me sad...

You don't masturbate? Really? Why does this suprise me?