Monday, June 23, 2008

I Have A Hemorrhoid

I have a hemorrhoid. Is that too personal, informing you that I have a hemorrhoid? I was debating about if I should post this information or not, but I figured we all loved each other so much that yall would like to know. So here goes, I have a hemorrhoid. It’s just a small one but it still makes it difficult to wipe. LOL

I am laughing because this is the most personal thing I think I have ever written, but I am trying to make up for not sharing all the dirt that happened on the road trip.
I have not had a hemorrhoid in forever and I need that little bulb to go away.
As you are probably aware, hemorrhoids develop from any increase in pressure in the lower rectum. The five major causes are:

1. Constipation and straining to poop. (I have not been constipated in a long while. My poop flows like butter).
2. Sitting or standing for a long time, this could be it. I do sit for about five hours a day, at work, if not more.
3. Obesity. I am over weight, for my height, but I don’t think I have gotten to the point of Obese, yet.
4. Pregnancy and childbirth. Nope, this is not me.
5. Diarrhea and the continuous expulsion of loose stools. Houston, I think we have a winner. LOL.

It looks like the simplest home remedy is to get me some witch hazel, a topical anti-inflammatory agent and sit in a warm bath. Sounds like a plan to me. If the home remedy doesn’t work I’ll have to go to the doctor and let him have a gander up my neather regions. Not too embarrassing. I will keep yall informed. I am sure you would like to know.

Today’s post brought to you by One Man’s butt, and the makers of Tuck’s medicated pad. Remember, if it ain’t soothing then it ain’t Tucks. LOL

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

I really need to get back to the fucked up lives of the young, black and gifted. LOL


Stew said...


now i am kinda scared that i may get one. i sit a lot too.

good luck man. i do not envy you.

Ms. Behaving--> said...

Would you be mad if I said better you than me???? LOL

Dreamy said...

you are too freaking dog on funny, i almost spit my lemonade out and cussed on the air.

if you didnt know i am at work and you are so entertaining me right now.

what are we gonna do with you,lol

i hope your butt gets to feeling better

Sexxy Luv said...

If I was around you I would ask to see! lol

Curious said...

Yes. To answer your question, yes TMI. I'm thinking of you bruh. How are you going to beat up innocent citizens and bystanders if they can turn around and say that you were just taking out your frustaions on them because of your medical condition.

If you what read is that you have a problem with #5, diarrhea, then you need to get that taken care of otherwise going to the doctor for a touchup and some cream will just cover and hide the cause and do nothing about future reoccurrences. I know you are under stress, but is it too much for you that you can't hold together physically? Is that TexMex food that you eat down there too much for your digestive system that you're taxing it too much? Assuming that you have found or are trying out who your fuck buddy will be, have you had them checked out medically?

There are so many questions that can be asked but one thing is true, you need to look after yourself. How else will you be able to leap over tall fences like TJ Hooker used to do after the bad guys if you are worrying about medication slipping out each time you spread your legs.

Linda said...

omg -like- you just -like- totally -like- just wrote that -like- on your blog :P

hehe.. You're one brave man.. especially since you just wrote in your last post that 'personal acquaintances' will read it..

greetings from Holland ;)

BronzeBuckaroo said...

I've read many an interesting post since entering the blogoshpere, but NEVER one about some dude's hemorrhoids. FUNNY! FUNNY!

You do have my sympathy. If that thing begins an iching, you really have my sympathy.

Maybe an hot bath with epson salts?

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

here I was sitting at my desk eating breakfast and reading blogs when you killed my will to eat. damn you one man... damn you.

Anonymous said...

I was hoping this was one of those posts where the title had absolutely nothing to do with the blog.

Guess I was wrong.

Anonymous said...

LOL @ this post and the comments.

You make sure you take care of that. We don't need to be reading about how you had to have surgery to get it removed.

RealHustla said...

Eeeeew Gross. TMI!

Funny story. When I got my first hemorrhoid, I was pregnant. I was trying to keep all of my remedies natural, because after all, I was pregnant. I read this book called Back to Eden which told me to put some lemon juice on them bad boys. Oh, Lawd!?!!!! Fiya!

One Man’s Opinion said...

I'm not afraid to show, Sexxy Luv.

Good new people, my little friend has completely went away. I was totally surprised when I got home from work this morning to find that he had decided to go back into hiding. I guess that means we don't have to worry about seven more weeks of summer, huh? Anyway, I didn't even get a chance to medicate the bad boy, or sit in the hot bath.
I wonder if it had anything to do with the drama filled night I had last night. Maybe it took pity on me and went away.

VertigoVirgo said...

way too much information.

Sha Boogie said...

Oh my. really? you didn't think a private blog about the drama wouldn't have been better.

I think my nose is permenantly wrinkled.


James Tubman said...

i envy your openness my brother

and your joking ability lol

you got me on this one my brother

i know this

no disease in a body that gets a lot of oxygen

water h2O

cathouse teri said...

Yeah... you shoulda gone with the "too personal" instinct. LOL

I will admit, I didn't really read this. I just skimmed it quickly and thought, "What the fuck? Did he just tell us he has a hemorrhoid?"

fuzzy said...

lol all the way from the beginning of this post to the end of it! Its sooo nasty and I love it! hahaha

Too bad I can't relate! Never had one! according to the causes, I should be having them like clockwork! lol


hahahahahaahah u r a turd...oops I guess that's what got u in this predicament, huh? lol u r too crazy..i love u!

call me rascal!
brie :)