Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Good Dog, Bad Owner



You know, I am beginning to think that I am a bad pet owner. You be the judge.

I have a Rottweiler named Roscoe. His is five years old now; I got him right after I moved into my house. Funny thing about Roscoe, he was not my first choice from the litter of puppies I was allowed to look at. However he was my only choice. Let me explain. When I went to the house of the family who had advertised they had Rottweiler puppies for sale, they lead me into the kitchen to see the four pups they had left. As I was walking into the kitchen this cute little puppy picked up a little nylon leash, which was on the floor, and brought it over to me like we were going for a walk. Like it had picked me!

Of course I was immediately impressed and fell in love with the little thing. As I reached down to take the leash and pat the dog on the head, I inform the young master of the house that this is the one that I wanted. He immediately dashed my hopes by telling me that it was a girl. Sorry, I can’t do girl dogs. I have been told stories about girl dogs and their feminine issues, and I just can’t deal with that kind of crap. After all, I was considering keeping the damn thing inside. He goes on to let me know that he has only one male dog left and that is how I came to own Roscoe.
The naming of Roscoe:

Now, I am the master of naming animals. I can come up with a suitable name for a dog in a moment. I have renamed everyone of the mutts that have come and gone in my mom’s house and have even renamed my nieces cats. It’s funny though…I am the only one who calls these animals by their new names. I DON’T CARE.

For some reason, when it came to naming my new puppy I couldn’t come up with name that stuck. He was almost called Hero, because that is what I wanted him to be. However, it just so happened that I was at the Petsmart and this young white couple (and yes, I have to say the race, because it is all about race with me), and they were enamored with my new puppy. They asked me what his name was and I told them that he didn’t have a name yet, because Hero was not working for me. I asked them what they thought his name should be. The guy thought about it for a second and came up with Roscoe. I thought it fit and so Roscoe it was.
House breaking Roscoe:

I literally house broke Roscoe within five days, seriously. I had no choice, but if I had to do it again I know that I wouldn’t be able to. Roscoe’s ability to be house broken so fast had nothing to do with me and everything to do with how smart my dog was. I tried that crap about taking his ass out every time I feed him and stuff, but that ended day one. I’m lazy. Shit, I don’t even like to get up to take myself to the bathroom. That being said, I hate cleaning up poop, so something had to give. You see, I couldn’t just leave him in the backyard, because my fence was dilapidated at the time and he would have gotten free (and people steal Rottweiler puppies).
What I did was leave the back door open, giving Roscoe the ability to go outside and come back in at will. I love how fast he caught on to that. Seriously. By week five, he was no longer doing his business in the house.

The other part of house breaking Roscoe was teaching him not to fuck with my stuff. That little bastard was chewing on shoes, watches and even my little Kermit the Frog. Let me explain. Although I have managed to keep my house clean for almost a month (Applause, please), this was not the case back then. So, since I figured it was easier to train Roscoe than the retrain myself, Roscoe caught a beat down. After a few of those, we were all good. Till this date, I can leave food right within his reach and he will not touch it. He knows better.
I even took him to the vet, every two weeks…and yall know black folks don’t take their mutts to the vet. (Stereotype alert, but it’s true).
Okay, here comes the bad owner part. I feed my dog, water my dog, even bought him a dog house. However, what I don’t do is take him for walks. I use to, but then I got lazy and damn it, if I’m lazy he needs to be just as lazy. Also, sometimes I forget go buy him a new bag of dog food, which leaves me thawing out whatever meets I have in my freezer, toss it into the microwave and give it to him. A couple of weeks ago it was too late to thaw anything out so I had to give him a whole box of Life cereal, with a little milk. As I was fixing my poor dog a big ass bowl of cereal it dawned on me that I was probably a bad pet owner.

So, what do you think? Am I?
-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.
Okay, I know that I need to take better care of my dog. I really do love the mutt (purebreed, thank you very much). He has, after all, proven that he will attack on my command, which was surprising as hell to me.

17 comments:

Dreamy said...

ohhhh now you know you are wrong for feeding that dog a whole box of life cereal. im gonna need you to get it together before i call the ASPCA on your azz for animal cruelty,lol

RealHustla said...

Roscoe is as cute as hell. It looks like he's say "Look at this nigger." You should use his face for your blog picture.

Yes, you need to do a little better with Roscoe, but I get the lazy thing. The Life cereal didn't kill him, just don't make it a habit. I'm sure he forgave you. But, just get a couple of cans of wet food (unless you already use that) to store when the dry runs out. Have a backup plan is all I'm saying.

MsPuddin said...

your asking the wrong person. i once tossed a kitten because it looked at me funny.

and damn, you talk about a female dog like it's a grown ass woman lol

One Man’s Opinion said...

I'm just saying, Puddin'. LOL.

See, hustla, you got me thinking about changing my blog picture now.

I'll have you know that my dog ate every bit of his cereal, Ms. Dreamy.

Dreamy said...

lmao at you, omg One Man you are so funny!!!!

Alex said...

So was it five days, or five weeks?

IVENTBYBLOGGING said...

a box of life cereal w/milk?

who is he, Mikey? he'll eat anything???

give that dog some meat doggone it. and if that's his pic...he's a def cutie patootie!
@Ms. Puddin...UR ON MY LIST 4 TOSSIN A KITTEN LOL I LOVE CATS!!:)

Big O said...
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Big O said...
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Big O said...

Well...im a new dog owner. Brownee is 7 months...She's a Chocolate Lab/Rott Mix ...so guess she's a mutt. But Man, im not a boaster at all....but i got a good lookin dog! Your not bad i dont think...atleast he was eatin. Your gonna make me do a post on her...well, i did one earlier this year on her...check it out


O

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I know I'm a bad pet owner. That's why I don't do pets.

A.Smith said...

Are you a bad pet owner? Probably... but then again, that's compared to the white people who think dogs are humans and shit... LOL. If he ain't dead or coughing, he's fine.

And he's so precious.

lyre said...

I tell you what you are: worthy of my vision board. Aman wholoves dogs! hell yeah!

Miss GypsyEyes said...

OneMan, I'm going to need you to do better, Roscoe needs exercise, my uncle used to raise Rottys, and there are a whole slew of breed specific conditions, most of which can be prevented with proper exercise.  You admit that you're lazy, why not invest in a treadmill, both of you can benefit from that. But I can help you with the food issue it takes only a little more time than a box of cereal, scrambled eggs, you can put whatever sandwich meat (or bacon  if you want) in them and your buddy will love you forever. Of course it'll probably take 8-9 eggs but dude, you can scramble them in the microwave. I am THE animal lover! I've resigned myself to the fsct that I'll probably end up the Cat Lady(it's pretty bad when your Mom tells you that)- you know the unmarried chick who has a house full of cats and dogs. Oddly enough, I'm fine with that. I kick ass at naming pretty much everything, we have a cat (Sydney) we've had for 2 years  and a chihuahua (Belle) who's just reaching the 2 week mark, and they are my babies; Syd more than Belle but she's Mom's. I love my kitty, she so awesome. You aren't a bad pet owner, you make sure he has food and shelter, and I know you have to play with him he's too cute to ignore. So just look into getting him some exercise and I'm almost positive you'll both be happier.

FREEDOM said...

I had a Rot too. His name was Bullet. He died on Mother's Day in 2004. That was a sad day for me. I went into a mini-depression. He was like my child. I had raised him from a pup.

I used to leave him in the bathroom when I went to work or school. He was a house dog too. So sometimes I would be gone for long periods at a time, so I too am familiar with food bit.

But then I had to ask myself would I do this to my child? And Bullet was my baby boy. So I had to make more time for him and his needs.

One Man we must take care of Man's best friend. okay!

Stew said...

not a bad owner. just resourceful. you should just leave the door open and let him run around outside. that is all the exercise he needs.

King's Kid said...

Real Hustla said:

Roscoe is as cute as hell. It looks like he's say "Look at this nigger." You should use his face for your blog picture.

And I agree. BTW applauding for the house cleaning. WTG!!