Wednesday, July 2, 2008

This Is Not a Movie Review


Two Movies in two days.

This week, instead of staying home and doing jack like I normally do, I decided to go to the movies. We all know that summer is supposedly the time for all the blockbuster hits. Well, I’ll be the job of that.

Day One:

Yesterday, Tuesday, I hung out with my friend-let’s call her Princess. Princess texted me last week and told me she wanted to go see either Hancock or Wanted. I told her I could go and see Wanted, but I had already promised a Hancock viewing with someone else. Wanted it was. At this point we decided we would meet at 3pm. How come we didn’t end up getting to the movies until six something.

I’ll tell you why, Princess is as much of a procrastinator as me. She had to go to the gym. Then she didn’t know if she was going to be needed at her soft ball game. Our plans changed quit a bit, but not on my side. I don’t plan my life. As long as I am at home with a working television set, I’m good.

Princess is like the female version of myself. As a matter of fact Princess is me if I allowed myself to be as much of a recluse as my mind and body would like me to be. Princess is the friend outside of the circle of friends. Everyone knows her and thanks that she is cool, but she just does not do groups well. She is much better one on one. Which I can totally relate to. However I know what made me the way I am. I had an abusive step-father. I have no idea what fucked Princess social skills up.

Anyway, we go to see Wanted. Best movie ever. I love it. It had action. It had comedy. It had sexy Angelina. It had some white guy without his shirt on. It had special effects. It had mass destruction. It had knives, bullets, guns, cars and blood. It had a fucked up twist. It even had a moral. Only thing it didn’t have was nudity, but you don’t miss it.

After the movie we went to Starbuck so Princess could have one of their expensive ass frozen coffees. I hate Starbucks. Their coffee literally gives me diarrhea. It ain’t cute. But I go so me and Princess can talk. We don’t hang out that often, but now that she is off for summer vacation I told her we should go to the movies once a week.

Yes, Princess is a teacher. She began her career as a teacher around the same time I began mines as a cop. Two of the most under appreciated, under paid jobs you can have, right? Still, I give teachers all the props in the world. They have to put up with BS that I wouldn’t stand for.
Anyway, while we are hanging out I find out that my good friend Princess is a Cougar. Yall know what a Cougar is, right? An older woman who goes after young men. At least I think that is the definition. Don’t get me wrong, Princess is only in here early thirties, but she has the hots for a young man ten years older, so I told her that she was a Cougar. I also told her that I was going to tell the blogging community to be on the look out for her hot ass. LOL. (No, I did not give her the blog address. I learned from that mistake).
Day Two:

Today, Wednesday, my mom, aunt Shelly and I went to see the movie Hancock. I still had promised to see this movie with a homeboy of mines, but decide that it was much more important to take my mom out to see a movie and this was the only one she wanted to see that I had not already see. I think I will take her to see Iron Man or something next week. I have already seen it, but she sounded like she really wanted to see that too.

Anyway, yall know I love my mom to death. I would honestly give up my life on this world if it meant that she would be able to walk again. Anyway, going anywhere with my mom can be a chore. And it is not for the reasons that you think it is. It is not the fact that she is rarely ready, because this has more to do with my little brother and sister than her. It is not the fact that she has to use the restroom before we leave the house. That is for the best, because it is hard for me to pick which bathroom I am going to accompany her into; normally the ladies room (not to embarrassing). It isn’t even the fact that sometimes she has a bowel movement and I end up have to wipe her hinney for her. It is not the most comfortable thing I ever had to do, but it has to be done. Nope, it is because she is so damn bossy and thinks that everything has to be done right then and there, even though she has just given you instructions to do five freaking things. It is so annoying. If I could break her of this habit everything else would be gravy.

Anyway, we get to the movies. Aunt Shelly meets us there. I buy the tickets for all. The young lady says that the movie is not sold out but it is packed. I explain that my mom is handicap and ask if the movie is too packed if I could exchange the tickets for a different showing. She says sure. I explain this to the ticket taker. She sends us back. I go take a look inside the theater to see if there is any space in the back. I can see that there are people in the back row but it is to dark to really make anything out. What the hell. I run back to my car, grab my flashlight and spot light the hell out of folks. (it is hard to yell at a man with a woman in a wheel chair).

I wheel my mom into the back, make her comfortable and then me and Aunt Shelly find us a seat. The movie was great. No moral at the end, which I enjoy. Don’t preach to me, damn it. If I wanted to learn, I’d read a book. I also liked the fact that it was a hero movie with out the typical super villain (that’s all I’m saying). I am not a big Will Smith fan, but he has made some good choices in the parts he plays (I still don’t see him as Obama though). This movie has lots of laugh, profanity, child abuse, violence, truth, justice and the American way. You even get to see Will Smith’s naked ass! (They didn’t even show a boob on Angelina).

Of the two movies I would say I enjoyed Wanted more, even though the whole audience clapped at the end of Hancock. Picture this. And Auditorium full of black folks, clapping at the end of a movie. How white is that? Seriously. LOL. Anyway, both movies are worth watching. Just remember this. When you think Hancock is over, it is not. They role credits, stop and show another small scene. It is funny. Everyone in the theater was headed out and stop in the mid stride to see the actual end of the movie. Don’t let this happen to you.

I don’t know why people leave movie at the so call end anymore anyway. Don’t we know by now that the directors always sneak in a little some in-between the credits?

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

Next week I am going to see The Butt, The Blue Jeans and the Handjob.

21 comments:

naijalines said...

Fuuurrsst!

I didn't know your mum had a disability. It's great that you guys go out and she's bossy!

RealHustla said...

There was no extra scene at the end of the Hulk. This irked me, cause I rarely wait.

Tell your friend Tina that you tried to keep her name anonymous, you tried, but you just don't like to proof read :)

And, those young men be trying to talk to her so what else she sposed to do? I'm thinking about taking my age limit down a little. Maybe. A little.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Okay, Realhustla...I got to go back and make corrections. LOL. I don't proof at all.

Curious said...

Tina? Who's Tina? I don't know no Tina. And yes your title is right, this was no movie review. I still don't know why I should see either movie, especially with no nudity for those dead spots which all action movies have.

Ieisha said...

I'd like to see Wanted but I saw Hancock yesterday. Uh, yeah...it's gonna make money but I wouldn't categorize it as good. It was alright though.

Kudos to you for spending some QT with your mom. Such a good son.

Madam Z said...

Abusive stepfathers should be forced to watch really bad movies, over and over and over again, while being force-fed Starbucks espresso and stale, dry scones. And then, they should be turned over to me, and I will make them regret everything they did to those poor kids. Guaranteed.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

princess sound like kool folk

Mark D. Aster said...

Oh man, what a letdown. Reading the first few sentences, I thought this was a continuation of your "Friends With Benefits" thread.

Now you're reviewing movies! Although, I think "Look at This Nigger's Movie" would be a great new blog!

("Coming Soon:
Whites Chicks 2: Legally Bland")

Forge said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
One Man’s Opinion said...

No dead spots in these movies, curious...Seriously.

Okay, Mark, I have decided we are related. I don't know who my biological father is so it is completely possible. I was totally thinking about a movie review blog. LOL. Sadly I don't look at movies near enough to get away with it.

Big O said...

Dont think ima live that Will Smith/ Obama comment down...lol


O

lyre said...

Funny, I'm a teacher, saw Hancock and Wanted Plus...Im a cougar! lol
Didnt you love Angies tattoo? I liked Hancock. Good long movie. Plus Wills half a hiney was tight!
i am such a dirty ole lady! hee hee

By the way, my mother was a difficult woman as well, but I would kill to have one more conversation with her. You are blessed to have her. Enjoy her bossiness. I suspect you have a bit of it...;-)

DetroitRockCity said...

u have the best blog name ever!

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I can see you flashing people in the dark theater. LOL That was funny but I ain't mad at ya.

I plan on seeing both movies plus Kung Fu Panda this weekend.

Brittany said...

So you go to the car and get your flashlight. lmao. That is so classic. I bet they were looking at you like who do you think you are.

MsPuddin said...

"I love it. It had action. It had comedy. It had sexy Angelina. It had some white guy without his shirt on. It had special effects. It had mass destruction. It had knives, bullets, guns, cars and blood. It had a fucked up twist. It even had a moral. Only thing it didn’t have was nudity, but you don’t miss it."

Is that really all it takes. Its just that simple. huh.

Yeah I liked it. I was mad that the part when they re falling from the train never really got resolved, that is still bugging me.

K said...

Love the blog. Especially the title.

Kiemie said...

Your non-review was very similiar to mine! Hancock rocked! Mr Smith and Angelina can do no wrong in my eyes!

Mark D. Aster said...

Okay, Mark, I have decided we are related. I don't know who my biological father is so it is completely possible. I was totally thinking about a movie review blog.

Hey, bro, don't joke like that! My dad moved to Texas a few years ago, which makes me wonder, damn, are you getting my back allowance that I was owed since high school?!?! (LOL) Sadly, Dad was such a ho before old age, I probably do have some X-File siblings out there!

Seriously, I say go for the occasional movie thread. Would be cool if you threw a caricature or two of yours in with the article.

Ms Smack said...

LOL they applauded!?? WHY!!

I can understand someone applauding in 'Schindlers List' as an example, but Hancock? WHY OH WHY!

I think you're pretty sweet to take your mum to the cinema.

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