Sunday, July 6, 2008

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

This is my new favorite song. Dreaming with a Broken Heart, by John Mayer. I am not big on musical artist and stuff, I just know what I like; I could careless who sings it.

As you guys know, I have not been in a serious, long term relationship in years, but this song brought back all of that old emotional heartache. I heard it, for the first time on the reality talent show; “So You Think You Can Dance” and have not been able to get it out of my head. Which is a good thing when you consider the song that I had stuck in there before was “Kobe, tell me how my ass taste.” Yeah, I know it is a sad state of affairs when it takes a sad song to get the thought of Kobe, with a teaspoon, telling Shaq that his ass needs salt.

A true broken heart takes a while to heal and even longer when the person that you thought you were so desperately in love with appears to get over it the next day. That fact just leaves you wondering if anything the two you had was ever real, or if it was all just a lie. But, no, it coundn't have all have been a lie, because your feeling and emotions were still valid. Why else would the shit hurt so bad?

This songs says that when you “Dreaming with a Broken Heart, waking up is the hardest part.” and I both agree and disagree with the sentiment. Of course, the falling a sleep in the first place can be a bitch. The longing is a monster. And don’t even get me started on the thoughts, that constantly play in your mind, on what the fuck you did wrong in the relationship. Oh, and the pain, let's not forget the agonizing pain. How is it that something as intangible as love can cause so much real pain?

Each time I had my heart broken I lost all my joy (and I am a very happy person) and either wept or wanted to weep (and I was the breaker upper in each case).

Quick story:

The very first time I was involved in a serious relationship that feel apart and left me an emotional wreck, I was in my early twenties and working in an office setting that required me to work with a high volume of people. I remember a young lady, she was actually much older than me, walking up to the counter for assistance. Everyone else was busy and I really can’t stand for people to be keep waiting for no reason. So, I get up and help her. I take her paper work, answer all of her question like I am suppose to do. I am not rude to her, just matter of fact, no personality, no sense that I gave a damn. The truth is I gave her exactly the kind of service that people expect from the customer service industry now aday. I didn’t even greet her with a smile. I was totally disconnected, but of course she was disconnected to. As long as I provided her with a service, I don’t think she could have cared one way or another about the quality of said service.

Still, I felt bad because I wasn’t given her all that One Man had to offer, so right in the middle of finishing her application I stopped and apologized to her. It was the weirdest thing. I just stop, looked her in the eyes and said; “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I am usually much friendly then this.” and I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. She just smiled and said, “that’s okay. We’ve all been there.” and she touched my hand. (Never a good thing to do-Just for the record, it is a very bad idea to touch my any part of my body, when I am mad or sad. The reaction you will cause will not be a good one).

Anyway, my heart is all healed up and I just allowed myself to get drawn back into another such heartache once more, before I decided that I could not take it. Couldn’t take the pain, the loss, the feeling of hatred and suicide. The need to want something back that wasn’t working in the first place. The loss of my smile. The absents of joy in my life. Love should not steal away your joy. There is just something wrong with that.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

(Just a quick shout out to Misrepresent (Dimples) of WildFlowerII. That girl can write some deep poety for your ass.)

16 comments:

KC said...

First...thanks for sharing...Second, I agree love should not take you joy away. I think that folks have it twisted with the whole "falling in love" concept to begin with. I speak this as I am actively taking the plunge down that veritable rabbit hope of love, yet again, myself. This time though, I am taking it one day at a time, not creating expectations that can only lead to dissapointment in my head and just trying to enjoy each moment as it comes. Heartache is a real possibility, but walking in love vs. falling into it-eyes open, mind right, loving God and myself first- my just work out this time. I will let you know- smile

One Man’s Opinion said...

Good luck with that, kc. Seriously, I hope it works out. I am too set in my way now, and distrustful. I know that their are others out there like me, capible of being faithful and true, but I question my chances of meeting them. LOL

James Tubman said...

I don't think its really love one

people stay with unavailable partners for a number of reasons

I won't say what they are lol

but its not always for love

lyre said...

Once again, you've touched an old woman's heart. a broken heart at the present but on the mend. peace.and I agree. Miz is da shizzle!
I also dont believe happiness in love is my fate, but that is just me guarding what heart I have left. The ticker is tattered.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I love that song. I'm feeling Keyshia Cole's song too..."Got To Get My Heart Back". Check it out. This post really hit home for me. I think it's a Leo trait that we are capable of being faithful and true. Like you, I don't think my chances are high of finding someone like that especially when I have married men trying to holla. But I got to believe there are men who can be true. But where they at? Lol I will never give up on love. I like what KC said... "Heartache is a real possibility, but walking in love vs. falling into it-eyes open, mind right, loving God and myself first"...that statement needs to be on a tshirt. Someone once told me, "love is easy".

One Eighteen said...

Never let em see you sweat. Thats mistake #1

118

naijalines said...

Hey bro, you've been musically tagged. Pls see details on my blog.

naijalines said...

Most of us have been there, I guess. Wish I had some smart advice to give. But no, I don't. Hearts are hearts. They are delicate little things (or large depending on one's size) and they get broken sometimes. we just hope they mend and we can love again.

Dreamy said...

Well One Man, I definitely understand how you feel. I have been there before. I have been spending time with myself and I am finally happy and content. Now I dont know if I dont want to give up my freedom to be let down and hurt again. Being a Leo, I am faithful, loving and very caring so I really hope that a man comes along who can appreciate all of this,lol

Theres still hope, trust

Jarrai said...

Ever heard of the phrase love should not make you cry....well its true. It should never take your joy away.

However...like love like life is a gamble. Its about taking chances...sometimes you lose and sometimes you win. Focus of the wins and you'll pull through

I agree, heartache is a bi*ch...

First time here...nice post

One Man’s Opinion said...

I love you guys, and it is love without heartache. LOL

Free-flowing Florida said...

shit happens dear. we've all been there, n known d pains of it. thank God d heart is resilient & knows how 2 pick itself up. am glad u r fine now

RealHustla said...

Man, there are so many women who totally agree with you. It frustrates me that you just can't run right into her the next time you walk down the street, or to the parking garage, or in the grocery store.

Hold on One Man, hold on.

Ieisha said...

First, I love that song. I love John Mayer.

Second, I loved that dance. Took me back to my dancing days.

Third, you are truly a multi-faceted individual. Continuous amazement you are.

As for the broken heart, time heals it. I'm in the process myself so I can attest to that.

But don't let it be the end all. I am taking a break from the game but I will definitely be back.

You'll make someone a very happy Mrs. One Man.

Mark D. Aster said...

John Mayer? BLEAHH!! You used to love eatin' Wonder Bread as a kid, didn't ya?

Some of us belong to the Lisa Lopes School of Ending Relationships on a Hot Note. Heartaches are for suckas! (LOL)

IVENTBYBLOGGING said...

hi Twin...u better call me today -u can call me at work, as my boss is off today. I'm off at 5p (est)and i have class today from 6pm-10pm EST. I'm def going to pull that song up on youtube...but I wanted to say:
my heart is broken bcuz what I'm seeking seems to be IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND! I want a man who has strength, is accountable, funny, truthful, and can change a DAMN TIRE!

Why in the world are men not knowledgeable in changing tires?! I only know one man (my ex) who works on cars, and he's in Cali!
Now, i know women who can change tires, but I can't for the life of me understand why men don't.
My car is not on flat...hasn't been on flat, but I am COMPELLED nonthe less to ask ' can u change a flat?' The answer is always NO. My worse fear is my tire goes flat, I call mr. man and he asks 'did u call AAA?' No nicca, I'M CALLING UR AS* to come change my tire. I have a spare, and a jack...all i need to complete this pic is u changing my tired!'
smh
I want a man who's old school in some areas but progressive enuf to have a vision. shut up complaining and do something about a situation. will stick/ stay even when the water is rough & choppy! Why is this so hard to find? mind u...i have said NOTHING about a man's salary, or the kind of job he has...salaries/jobs can always change for the worse or better.
I'm daydreaming with a longing heart. I long to be with a man who has old/new school swagger.

what is going on, Twin??
-Brie