Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Simple Things


As yall may well know, this is my birthday month. Yes, your boy One Man turns the big 4-0 on the thirteenth of this month. The month of the Leo baby. This coming Friday, one of my College Friends, a practicing Lawyer, is giving me a birthday party at his house. Isn’t that cool? I love my friends.

It should be interesting, since I have invited my family to participate in this bootleg, gala event. My friends are a eclectic bunch. They are black, white, Asian, Mexican, male, female, gay and straight. I might play a bigot on blog world, but I love and hate everyone the same. That’s just how I roll. LOL.

I think I am the simplest person in the world the shop for, because I don’t want or expect anything. If you ask me what I want for my birthday I will tell you, underwear, t-shirts (black or white-because it always comes back to race with me), and socks (strictly black). Everything I didn’t want for Christmas, growing up.

I want these things because I hate buying these things for myself. Especially underwear, mainly because I don’t wear underwear in my everyday life. I only wear it for work, which is what I need all that crap for. I wouldn’t even wear underwear to work, but the material is so damn thin, I’d share all my business with the world at large (if you know what I mean).

On my actual day of birth, I would like to get drunk. Blind, stinking drunk. Don’t you think it is sad that I have never been drunk, in my entire life? I’m proud of the fact that I have never done drugs, but I think I would enjoy being drunk; in a safe environment of course. I need to get drunk and I think I would like to be arrested for public intoxication, but that’s just foolishness. I’d lose my job, or at least get some time off for that shit and my ass is too old and senile to be starting over. Lol.

Not only would I like to get drunk, I would like someone to video tape my drunkenness. I wonder what kind of drunk I would be. I don’t see myself being an angry drunk. I think I would be more of the mellow kind of drunk, since that is who I am. I don’t see the drunk bringing me out of my shell, and the truth is, when around my friends, I am off the chain with out the assistance of alcohol.

I have two friends that are willing to take me out and help me achieve this goal on next Wednesday. One is my friend Lou, but I know he will not allow me to get drunk. I doubt if he will even allow me to get buzzed. Lou is Hispanic. Then there is Wilma. Wilma’s ass will get me good and drunk, but she will also allow me to drive home, like an idiot and I need someone to prevent me from making such bad, job losing, choices. Wilma is black. Of course there is always Ray. Ray is also Hispanic. The problem with Ray is that not only will he get me drunk, but he will also invite a bunch of his questionable friends, who get violent when they drink and I am not trying to die on the day of my birth, nor on the day after.

Hum, maybe I should just give up getting drunk on my birthday.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

17 comments:

Corey Keith said...

Celebrate it big style.. The big 40is a big deal... Make sure you buy yourself something nice!!!

Madam Z said...

Seriously, omo. Don't get drunk. Drunk is nasty! People are disgusting when they get drunk. You are such a great guy, smart, funny and very cool. Why would you want to mess that up, even for one evening? Celebrate your birthday with your friends and family, eat good food (include cake and ice cream), drink some lemonade, and laugh a lot. Hug the ones you love. Kiss the ones you love a lot. Dance and sing. But don't get drunk.

Happy, happy birthday, baby!

(In case you can't tell, the only people I'm prejudiced against are drunks.)

Blah Blah Blah said...

No one wants to see themselves drunk...don't let them film you IF you do.
Don't get drunk...take this advice from a casual alcoholic...
Have fun, maybe get tipsy...feel sexy....but don't get drunk.

Happy Birthday :)

Super Dave Van Buren said...

Aight I'm going to be honest when I read our were turning 40 I was like damn you old... lol Really I thought you were younger. And Damit get drunk already it's not like you have to been in a police car before. Live a little.

Truth in Fluffy Freedom said...

I'm new through these parts so I'ma be nice...

Dont' get drunk and tape yourself, it's like a sex tape it never turns out cute, or funny, or whatever you were going for at the time.

On another note I feel like you would be a chatty drunk.

Mizrepresent said...

Have a wonderful birthday man...gosh, i would love to see you drunk, and don't forget to type a drunk post, that is going to be off the chain!

Cocoa Rican said...

Well happy birthday to you old man! Many happy returns.

Sha Boogie said...

I can't-- and I won't!!

Underwear only for work?

::blink:blink::

Blindingly drunk?? You need help!

LMBAO!

And you call me crazy...

RealHustla said...

I knew I recognized your personality from somewhere. You and my brother's birthdays are so very close. To think, all this time I couldn't put a finger on it.

Look. You ain't really missing out on nothing from being drunk. Have you forgotten about the side affects? Uhhhhh, I hate hangovers. They're the worst because they could have been prevented. Try a good solid tipsy. No drunkeness please. Start of with the family and friends. Drunk ain't all it's cracked up to be. It ain't like when you watching the alcoholic folks. They've had to learn to live with their conditions so they make it look fun. Now, drunk non alcoholics, that's just a mess.

Give your booty call a ring and wrap the tipsiness up with a visit with her and some good ole thumb time. A lovely evening.

naijalines said...

Hey bro, welcome to the club. Clocked it this year too. If you wanna get drunk do it. Not so sure about the filming though.

I'm not that easily affected by alcohol though I'm a regular wine drinker. I've been very tipsy just the once when I drank two bottles of red wine at a party held for me.

I casually lost my balance and was just giggly and naughty. My friends had a great time laughing at me. I remember every minute of it.

That might be your solution... to get very tipsy but not totally drunk. That way you could still remember every minute in the morning and laugh at yourself. Happy 'Buffday' in advance.

Mark D. Aster said...

As a cop, I'm sure you're eating right and exercise. Therefore, 40 is a meaningless number in the "decay" sense, at least to our folk (since "black don't crack").

40 is only a big deal since our ancestors were brought to "The New World." Prior to that, it meant nothing as African and Asian men usually had children well into their 80s or 90s. We didn't need no stinkin' Viagra in Africa! Thus, there is still time for you to find that Mrs. One Man and do the Tony Randall thing ...

If there is any meaning to that number, it's only that so many Gen-X and younger males in our age range didn't make it past 25. Sadly, even King and Malcolm didn't make it to 40. Since you've made it this far intact, enjoy your new-found status as a comunity "elder"!

Mark D. Aster said...

And if any questions why you might chase after that 22-year-old in the tight hot pants at "your age," just tell them "God Made Me Funky" (LOL):

http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/old-men-chasing-young-women-good-thing-14203.html

Joey Bahamas said...

Never give up on getting drunk...that's just this man's opinion.LOL!


JB

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I think you would be a chatty and touch feely drunk. I'm sure all your racist ways will come out. lol

Stew said...

a better idea is to buy a bottle and take shots with your friends. that way you will not have to worry about the nonsense of drving home, bars, fights and so on.

take it from a pro. drink at home.

Ieisha said...

Being drunk is overrated. And if you've made it 40 years without getting drunk, no need to start now.

Have a drink responsibly. It's so much better that way.

Enjoy the birthday.

And I love how simple it is to shop for you. Hanes, Joe Boxer, Calvin Klein. I can dig it.

The Dreamy One said...

Go Leo!!!!

Hope you have a blast....

and definitely go with the one who will get you home safe and in one peice.......

yeah and we dont want you to die on your bd sir!!!