You tell me if I am wrong for this…..I have this older sister…let’s call her The Mooch. The Mooch is the oldest out of all of us, and when you consider that I am forty years old you might be able to guessimate her age (I am in the middle). Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my sister to death, but the problem is that I don’t really like her. She has been a torn in my ass since childhood. The Mooch is a users. As a matter of fact she has made a career out of using men. She even used me, taking advantage of the fact that I was a home body, who never took stock in material things, thus never really spent any of the money I got from my little jobs. I use to constantly “loan” her money and would never get paid back. After awhile, with the help of my other sister, I learned that The Mooch was only taking advantage of me and would continue to do so if I didn’t put a stop to it. Of course it help once I was out on my own and had bills and shit to pay.
Still, even on my own my family as a whole, not just The Mooch, saw me as a walking, talking ATM machine. Why is it that people just assume that because you are unmarried and single, without kids, that you have excess money to burn? Or is that just my family?
Anyway, a couple of days ago The Mooch called and left a message on my machine asking to borrow four hundred dollars. Four hundred! She needs it for my niece, who is a little bitch, who is off at Texas Commerce. I love my niece, but trust me when I say she is a little self absorbed bitch. She comes by it honestly, trust me. Remind me to tell you the story of her forgetting who I was and trying to talk back to me. What is it with black girls and them trying to tell you that “even my daddy don’t hit me.”? I had to let her ass know that I wasn’t her daddy and that I would grab her by her hair, drag her out into the street and beat her little ass. Was that wrong? This was a few years back, remind me to share the story with you someday. Anyway, every since that day my relationship with this niece as never quite been the same. I guess it didn’t help that I told this to her in front of her little ex-drug dealing boyfriend.
Anyway, I ignore the message from a couple of days ago, because The Mooch knows that I don’t loan her money any more. Hell, I won’t even loan her twenty dollars, so good luck with four hundred. There was a point and time when she would try the scenic route of asking me for money. Yeap, she would go through our mom. Whatever. I had to put my mom on check for that crap too. I had to tell her that she can’t call and ask to borrow money for other people. Damn, my ass ain’t stupid.
So, today, there is yet another message on my answering machine, from the Mooch. She is sounding all pathetic and saying how badly she needs to borrow this four hundred dollars and how she will pay me back by the 28th and how she has tried everywhere else. Whatever. I am not in the market of taking care of grown ass people with grown ass kids. You better go to that bastard that you have been living with for over twenty something years. Hell, he is the father of my niece, let him be your go to person. How the hell do you not have at the very least, four hundred dollars in the back to begin with? Can I get you to learn to save money instead of buying your kids hundred dollar tennis shoes and all the name brand clothes and shit. That’s why their priorities are all fucked up as it is.
This post was inspired by the second message from my sister and a post I read today by Raw Dawg. He was talking about the word “depend” and what it means to be able to “depend” on someone or have someone to depend on you. I think I got that right.
So, am I wrong for not calling the Mooch back? Because I have no intention of calling her back. Hell, she never calls me unless she wants something. Hell, I was surprised when she sent me an email wishing me a happy birthday. I didn’t even know she had an email address. Now, trust me, four hundred dollars would not break me. Hell, I probably would not even miss it. But that is four hundred dollars I could use towards my mom’s upcoming birthday. Yeah, mom’s birthday is not until October, but the Mooch is not going to pay me back.
Oh, and here is another thing about the Mooch. When you do loan her money she wants you to go out of your way to get it to her. What ever. She needs to find another resource, because my oil supply as run dry.
LOL How said is it that if my baby sister needed the money for Manny that I would be out the door right now. I’d be mad at her for asking but she’d have the money in hand.
-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.
30 comments:
Hmmmmm, I was thinking that No, you ain't wrong, until you threw that part about Manny's Momma in there. But, I can understand that your sister as used up all her chances. I couldn't do it if she lived with some man. Hell, I rarely complain about money, even when things are asshole tight and that's on the regular. But, if I lived with a man, I wouldn't dare part my lips to borrow from someone. That would be inviting too many people up in my business.
"Why is it that people just assume that because you are unmarried and single, without kids, that you have excess money to burn?"
Got a friend who's in a similar situation. He gets hit up all the time. I think it's the 'grass is always greener' complex. Folks with kids figure that they spend the bulk of their cash on raising little rugrats so since you don't have that added expense, you've got this excess of cash roaming around.
It doesn't matter if you're wrong. Beauty of all this is that it's your choice and as long as you're cool with it, no worries. You have a different relationship with your siblings. It happens and it's the general principle of things. She took advantage before so now she's paying the consequence.
And I agree with Real, if there's a man living in the home, we gots to figure thangs out on our own. That's just bad biz-ness. Trust, I know.
Of course you're not wrong.. As a matter of fact, it would be wrong to lend her the money.
Because if you did lend her the money, you wouldn't be helping her at all, you'd just get her deeper into that cycle of 'not caring for yourself but depending on others'..
Like when a bum asks you for money in the streets.. and you just know he's going to use it for bad stuff.. I'd give them food to help them but never money.. they need to learn how to make (and save!) their own ;)
may sound harsh, but it's the only way out really....
greetings from holland!
I agree with Linda. But while we're on the subject, Why do you have a different attitude towards Manny's mum? Do I detect a little favouritism here? =)
I cracked up reading this cuz my brother does the same thing. My mom will call to borrow money for him. I done already told him that the money lending is a wrap, but he still tries sometimes. At least he's the baby though.
For the record...It is not Manny's mom, it is Manny. Manny is a baby and my boy. What he wants he can have. Except hundred dollars tennis, bump that. However, school clothes, christmas gifts, Easter suits, bikes, cars, tickets to places, payment on his day care, ect, ect. If she needs it for my nephew she gots it. That boy will never go without, if I have anything to say about it. Before Manny was born my little sister was in the same boat as my big sister. They need to learn to manage their damn money.
I completely agree with you... and let's change the focus.
As long as you ENABLE her to use you a resource, YOU are robbing her of independent skills to take care of herself, and her off-spring.
AND, if the student is an ADULT, then your sister is setting up the female daughter to do exactly the same in her life. People have to earn their keep, straight and simple. If you wanna go to Texas Commerce, earn it.
Don't cave in.
No, you are not wrong for not calling her back or lending her money. She knows good and well her chances of borrowing are long gone, yet she still trys to get you. Don't lend her the money.
My sisters used to try that crap with me. Before I lent them money I demanded a signed undated check and I told them what day I would be cashing it and to make sure that money was there or I would charge them interest plus the bounced check fee.
My friend used to try and borrow money...I did to help her out since she was a single mom, but eventually grew tired of it because it would take her MONTHS to pay me back. I'm not an ATM machine either, and eventually I just started to lie about it and tell her I was broke. She got the hint and got her finances together. For the most part.
Now, I lend nobody money. Ever. Even if I have to lie and say I just paid a big bill and don't have the funds. I don't even care, I will lie to keep my money in the bank earning interest.
If you need help figuring out your finances, I'll help you...but I will not give you my hard earned money.
I'm like realhustla; I was gonna say no until that end part, but then I got to thinking...
Karma is a bitch. And when you use people, prepare to pay for it later. Bet she really needs it, bet she really intends (emphasis on intends, cause if she can pay you $400 back on the 28th, she don't need $400 right now... or she'll nee dthat $400 she gives you back in a few weeks to pay some bills) to pay you back, but when you screw people over, you get exactly what you deserve, eventually, and she deserves this.
Further, I'm with you. Don't be laying up with nobody who can't help you out. I know we all have hard times, but... she's a moocher, and I dislike moochers, so I clearly have little sympathy here.
Meanwhile, people think you got money to burn cause they figure they'd have money to burn if they didn't have kids... but, this is what you tell 'em "We're in a recession and gas is too damn high." Cause, the recession and gas prices are not reserved for the struggling with kids.
.....plus, even though I have no kids, my responsiblities have hella changed. I have a house, a car and Roscoe, damn it. Okay, sure I paid my car off after the first year of having it, but still....
I don't think you're in the wrong at all.
I mean...I look at it like this...if you can't call me up at random just to see how I'm doin' from time to time then you damn sure can't call me up when you need something/are in a bind and especially NOT when you have a track record of not paying me back.
nah... you not wrong. Can't "loan" money all the time, to the same person. They gotta make (and save) their own money.
No you're not wrong. Family can be the worst sometimes. She's got a man that should be helping her anyway. .I can't stand ppl that only come around when they need something
Hell No you aint wrong! Don't give her shit! LMAO! Why am I so passionate about this anyway? I don't htink that people are being helpful to their family members when they are just handing them money without them not trying to get their financial situation together. I am all for helping but I'm not in the game of supporting. I help those who help themselves. That being said, I am actually very generous.
Fuck, man! You mean to say that all these years, all I needed to do was ignore my sisters messages? Jeez.
I'm on it. ;)
i dont think that you are wrong One Man,
there are some users out here in this world that will milk you for all you have!!
so dont let her use you, and you aint wrong!!!
Word!!! ...if you want it, you should be able to pay for it.
I can totally understand, One Man. I think every family has that one person who has used up all their chances. I think all families are dysfunctional, and there's usually one or two that are more dysfunctional than the rest. I wish my younger brother would ask me for that much money. Especially, when I know he has a job, and is just blowing money on stupid stuff, and has no intention of paying me back, conversely, if I have to ask him for money he gives it to me because he knows he'll have it back the day I told him he will- and when you think about it he owes me the money already so I don't feel bad asking.
I couldn't see you calling her back! She will just go on to the next man. People like that will be alright, someone is bound to acquiesce to her crazy ass wishes!
i am the talking atm machine too
I know that Manny is your nephew. I'm just saying that at the end of the day it still amounts to giving both your sisters money to take care of their business. The only difference is that you are quite happy to give when Manny is involved.
Which of course is your prerogative. It's your money:)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm dying right now at you like "well I aint your daddy, and I will beat that ass." (Aww RIP B Mac)
Anyway, thats a catch 22, I can understand how you feel with her taking advantage all the time, but it is still blood family. However, if you ignore her this time maybe she'll get the point that you re through.
ps- can borrow some money?
I know that blood is thicker than water and all that shit, but blood will sometimes screw you over faster than anyone else.
I could write a book, hell two, on my relationship with this sister of mine and only a chapter of it would be positive. I love her to death, but I don't have four hundred dollars to throw away and that is exactly what I would be doing.
Hell, her and her live in just got a settlement from the city they live in. I know it was five thousand dollars or more. The money went to him, but he needs to share that shit with her. Sorry, my well has run dry.
u not wrong at all.
"you fool me once shame on you, you fool me twice shame on me"
im sure she will live
You ain't wrong for NUTHIN' in this post. Just cuz you have the loot don't mean it's theirs. Period. This shit seems pandemic - happens in my family too. I ain't nobody's bankroll, so I ain't mad atchu for not being nobody's either. Dear Mooch: Keep it moving.
> What is it with black girls and them trying to tell you that “even my daddy don’t hit me.”? I had to let her ass know that I wasn’t her daddy and that I would grab her by her hair, drag her out into the street and beat her little ass. Was that wrong?
Hahah! Good for you, one man :-) Cool answer :-) Everyone needs to know who's da boss ;-)
You weren't wrong, One Man. Maybe blood is thicker than water, but it gets diluted pretty damn quick when the relative keeps sucking it out. (There's something wrong with this analogy, but you get my drift.) Mooch needs to grow up, and the only way that's going to happen is if she has no one to turn to but herself.
"I didn’t even know she had an email address."--- for some reason this tickled me. i guess b/c it showed just how close you and your sister aren't.
but, like everyone else, i say you weren't wrong for not calling her back. it's your time and money, after all.
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