Saturday, April 19, 2008

Don't Hate On My Sexy






You know what I don’t understand? I don’t understand why people are always hating on my sexy. Let me explain. When I go to work I normally wear those black socks that just cover your ankle bump along with my boots. They are comfortable, easy to put on and I just like the damn things. Lately, Sgt. Lupe has been constantly getting on me about not wearing socks. I always say, I got on sock (because I don’t be using proper English), you just can see them. Then she takes it to the next level and begins to hate on my so called ashy legs. Well, nobody sees my legs unless I am sitting down and my pants legs ride up pass the height of my boots. Besides, why you looking anyway?

Well, last night I had to come into the station and release Sgt. Greyhound @ 3:15, so I didn’t get to stay out long and play, which was fine. I enjoy being in the station alone with no damn body to bother me. Leave me alone damn it. I’m basking in my effervescence (I don’t even know what that means; I just wanted to say it). Well, day’s office staff comes in a little bit before 6:30 and no one says anything to me about my legs because nobody is looking below my waist. Well, here comes Sgt. Lupe, instigating shit.

Sgt. Lupe: “Sgt. One Man, I hope you wear socks tomorrow, we sick of seeing your ashy legs.”
Well of course all eyes go to the ash. I don’t care.
One Man: “I done told you I got on socks, woman. Stop trying to start stuff.
Sgt. Lupe: “Well you need some lotion. Look at his legs ladies, don’t he need some lotion?
The two days people are both older ladies. One black and one white.
One Man: “Don’t hate. My Legs are damn sexy. (Pulls up pants legs to revel the sexiness of my bony, ash encrusted legs. Then turns leg to show of the little calf muscle.)
White one: (Laughing) “That’s pretty bad Sgt.”
Black one: (Smiling) “You need some lotion? I got plenty of lotion in my purse.”
One Man: “What I need lotion for? (Pant legs still rolled up to exposed the blacken knee.) The ash is what’s in. Didn’t you know that women love an ashy man? It’s an aphrodisiac of sorts. Look it up. Pheromones don’t got noting on a brother’s ash factor. You better ask somebody. (Rolls up other pants leg to revel equally sexy and ash leg.)

Well, having done her duty, Sgt Lupe announces that she is gone and I am left to spend the next hour and a half with these ladies hating on my sexy and trying to get me to put lotion on my ankles. This is when I explain to them that I don’t use lotion. I don’t like lotion. I hate the way it feels on my body (I’ve addressed the issue before, in a previous post. In fact the only thing I use lotion for is my hands and my penis. LOL. Just kidding. I’m so nasty).

Besides, what woman don’t like a man with an ash line. That shit is sexy. You know it. I was turning my damn self on as I look down at it. So much so that I took a picture of it and posted it for the whole world to see. You’ve seen it. Now ain’t it sexy? You can admit it. Don’t hate on the sexy. Jesus don’t like that.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.
It's a damn shame. Hating on my sexy.

73 comments:

mp1 v.8.0 said...

you look like you been rolling around in ash.

Damn, you not the only dude I know that doesn't like lotion. My brother clowns me 4 using it. he says it's soft. my lady aint got no problem with it though. thats all that matters.

that shid aint looking kosher, one man

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

Dude I'm not fond of lotion either but you need something... lol I've been ashy but you taking it to homeless one man levels. You love you though so hey to each his own.

D-Place said...

Hahahaha I'm sorry I gotta hate...cuz that looks like you been tap dancing in flour. If you don't like lotion use use some spit lotion ...that's manly. Hahahaha

Darius T. Williams said...

We're the same complexion so I know what you're going through. But...put some lotion on that shit!

Eb the Celeb said...

Ok... so the title of your blog... uh-huh... I'm saying it to you right now... you have truly violated... aint nothing... with a capital N... sexy about those pics that you just showed...

What the heck is up with black men and lotion... ya ass is black, and though it shows that your clean to have a lil ash... I would rather you not proved it to me in that way... prove it to me by simply smelling good...

no go do something bout that for I slap you with a wad of cocoa butter

One Man’s Opinion said...

You hating on the sexy too, Mmp1? Dang. I don't think lotion is "soft", I just don't like putting "slippery" stuff on my body. I don't like lip chap either, so you can image my lips in the winter time. It ain't cute.

Aw, man. Not to the Homeless lever, Homer. Not to the Homeless level. Is it that bad, really? 'Cause I think it's sexy.

Et tu, D-place? And while you playing, I have been known to do the spit thing. No slip, no slid with spit, baby.

Darius! I thought we had love for each other, man. What happened to the love?

Ms Smack said...

Yup, put some lotion on there mate. It's good for your skin, and it's not all about vanity. Everyone's gotta take care of themselves, eh?

:)

One Man’s Opinion said...

Slap me with a wide of Coco Butter...that's funny. See, Eb, that's what I be telling people. If I take a show, get dressed and go outside immediately after, the ash factor is gonna be even more pronounced. And I do smell good, damn it. Now, in my defense, Eb, it was hard for me to get a sexy angle of the ash for yall. And just for the record, my ass is not black...it's ashy. Although I prefare the term, Rusty. Don't make me post a pick!

Ms. Smack, Eb, everyone. It is not about thinking that lotion or grease or whatever is girly or a sign of vanity. It is just that I don't like the feel of the crap on my body. Never had, never will. I think my mom most have been frightened by something greasy when she was pregnant with me. I don't put oil in my hair either. Ewwww.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Oh, and plus....You ladies know damn well those are some sexy ankles! Don't ack like you don't know.

Shazza Nakim said...

I'm going to take your picture and circulate it to every Daytime Talk Show with a means to contact you for a MAKE OVER. Tyra, Ellen, The View, Rachel Ray, Good Day, Good Morning Oprah, Martha Steward ... because if Crusty is the New Sex .... it my calling to STOP IT

It's a shame your co-workers didn't arrest you for LEWD AND INDECENT EXPOSURE.

Desy said...

this is the most amazing display of ash that i have ever seen in my natural born life...

please, please, for me one... moisturize yourself... whether it's lotion or regular application of water... somethin hun....

would u approach a female with that kind of sex appeal? legs all out in some sandles... no really? would u?...lol

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

There is nothing sexy about looking like you've been playing in flour. Lotion is black peoples friend. Please tell me you don't wear shorts with your legs looking like that? Lol

-eve- said...

Heheheh... this is the first I've heard of ash! Seeing as everyone suggested lotion, I presume it means peeling skin...? ;-) Wear whatever socks you like, I'd say.

MP said...

I laughed so hard I cried and then kept crying because one man, this has got to stop!

JayBee said...

when i first clicked on i minimized the picture (while simultaneously blirting out what the hell) to get myself together. with you, you never know what's in store. i laughed intermittently through this post. just put on some damned lotion. back in the day we (guys) didn't know about it, but now in this new progressive age we know to buy some lotion and use it.

Mark D. Aster said...

Even though the Pope is in NYC, I guess Ash Wednesday came to Texas!

One Man’s Opinion said...

Yall know yall tripping, but if the ladies say it ain't sexy too, I guess I need to recheck my sources.
All I wear is sandalls,Desy and shorts, Southern Girl. I go Ashed out. I ain't shame. Plus, the reality is that you don't really see how ashy it looks until the good light hits it. And don't get me started. It is the water and air that brings out the ash (I call it "rusty") But at least Eve has my back, because Shazza is gonna take it to the media, and you no that brother don't like to go to the Matrix for nothing.

Mark, "Ash Wednesday", that's funny.

The reality is that I just think you all have to see it in person to get a full picture of the sexy, cause it ain't nothing like a two toned brother. Ash and brown; two things that go good together.

Eb the Celeb said...

There is NO such sexy angle for ash my dear bethren

They have non-greasy moisturizers

There is NO excuse for this madness!

Curious said...

I don't know. If I am going to be slammed to the ground and cuffs put on me by some big burly cop, the last thing I'm going to be thinking about is, are his legs lotioned. ...but then again...

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

or shouldit be dont hate onmy ashy lol - u area model, didnt knw that

Shazza Nakim said...

One Man's, in support of you I will tell you that I have seen Black men with legs and feet like yours.

I was watching PBS about the atrocities of African Workers in Salt Mines. They go in clean and come out covered in salt. The ones who can't afford shoes and long pants got feet like you.

So there One Man with your Slave Feet ... you are more African than all of us. YOU GO BOY!!!

VertigoVirgo said...

I'm so ashamed *hanging head*...but you're right, you don't need lotion...


YOU NEED SOME GREASE!!!

...and I'm not a "sexy" hater, but dang bruh...the pheramones(sp) you say you're giving off can't even make there way off the skin through the ash!

*sigh*...but is ashen skin makes you happy, then do as you must.

One Man’s Opinion said...

I love you guys. Yall so funny. Shazza, you wrong for that and you know it. lol

Madam Z said...

I like your attitude, One Man. If YOU think you're sexy, you ARE sexy! Sexy is as sexy does.

As for the ash...have you tried sandpaper?

Ms. Behaving said...

Aiight so maybe I can relate just a lil' bit...

[Hell truth be it told, I know whatcha mean cuz I don't like lotion either]

BUT BABY.....

Damn if Petroleum jelly ain't where it's at.

Don't believe me?!?!?! TRY SOME LOL

Whatever you do don'tchu ever...EVER...EVER...EVER...EVER expose them thangs in that condition again.

That Girl Tam said...

Ok, I'm upset with myself for being so late to respond to this madness.

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THOSE ASHY ASS LEGS?? I'm sorry...I love you like a play cousin...but I too am hating on your sexy. Have you been kickin rocks in your spare time? I mean DAYUM MAN!!!

Even my hella light-skinned husband lotions like a biatch DAILY - and you can't even SEE his ash. When you have a little extra pigment in your skin, you NEED to moisturize - if not for the moisture factor, at least to get rid of that...dusty look.

shakin my head

Shame on you...lol

One Man’s Opinion said...

Tam called me "Dusty". That's priceless.

That Girl Tam said...

:)

Mizrepresent said...

I got a bottle of lotion, some vaseline, some cocoa butter, some baby oil...and i'm coming for your ASH!

naijalines said...

Not sexy, bro. Put some lotion and vaseline on that ash now!

cathouse teri said...

Well I know one thing. Funny is sexy and you're damn funny! :)

Ieisha said...

I hate to break it to ya but ashy ain't sexy. Now there's more than one way to skin a cat or in this case, grease a fella.

Get you a moisturizing body wash. It helps. Are you prejudiced against all forms of moisturizer? Shea butter is the sh!t. Not greasy, smells great and WORKS!

Hit up The Body Shop ASAP.

BTW, you've been tagged! Check out my blog for details.

One Man’s Opinion said...

I truly love yall. The lady betrayed me like nobody's business. You know that ain't cool.

dejanae said...

damn maaaaan
thats some sad shit
i take a blog hiatus and come back to this mess
dont do that ish again

Hadassah said...

LOL no comment!

guerreiranigeriana said...

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!!!!!...you want to kill me!!!!...i couldn't even read the post because the pics were too much!!!...OMGIOD!!!...if i saw you in public with that kind of ash, i seriously would move as far away as possible!!...my abs hurt from laughing so damn hard...damn one man!!!!...are you allergic to lotion or moisturizers?!...geesh!!!...its like you want folks to think you have ezcema...i can send your ass some shea butter, but that just has to stop!!...God forbid...

Black Mamba said...

Lotion isn't supposed to make you feel greasy...only the girly smelly crap that doesn't really lotion you does that.

See if Cetaphil or Lubriderm makes you feel a little less greasy. That's what I use, using only as much as you need and rubbing it all the way in, doesn't feel greasy and I barely notice it...but it rids me of ash. ;-)

I know how you feel about the lotion though, most lotions leave my skin greasy and then itchy. Drove me to the point of bugging a doctor about it to find out what the F@#$...the 2 names I gave you are what they suggested. They also suggest you put the lotion on when you're still a little damp from a shower, locks in moisture to your skin and rids you of dry skin/ash faster. Or so they say...

Anonymous said...

OK, so you're trying to bring ashy back. Now you know dang good and well that is not sexy...at all.

~Kena

Anonymous said...

That is nasty nigga

Anonymous said...

Nigger that is nasty - don't you people put cocoa butter on your skin? Try that.

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