So, I finally figured it out. The way to have a well rounded, over-achieving, self motivated child; destined for success. Now, I hate to give Senator Obama so much credit for everything, but I got to admit that this idea stemmed from attending his rally on Wednesday. It was during the course of his speech, when he said how he was the child of a teen-age mother; whose father left him when he was only two years old. That's when it dawned on me. The secret to rearing a child who would become famous in their own right.
That’s right. You guessed it. If you want your child to have success you got to find yourself a white woman, impregnate her with your seed and then leave her right before or soon after the little bastard is born. No. Marriage is not necessary to accomplish this task. Don’t get me wrong, if you feel the need to marry the chick by all means feel free…however, remember that the key is to leave. This experiment will not work if you stick around. You cannot be a part of the child’s life in any way, shape or form. You cannot write. You cannot pay child support. You can’t be a part of his or her life, at all! I can’t stress this enough.
Now I know this might seem a bit harsh, especially if you are one of those that feel the need to be responsible and take apart in the upraising of your child, but I’m telling you that you have to look at the big picture and push those ethics aside. We are talking about the future of your child here. I’ve done the research. This will work (I’m pretty sure).
Case in point; Barack Obama, Halle Berry, Mariah Carrie, the Rock, Collin Powell (I’m assuming), Lisa Bonet (at least at one point), Naomi Campbell (although the bitch is crazy), Alisha Keyes, Dorothy Dandridge, Vin Diesel (once upon a time), Derek Jeter, Tia and Tamara Mowry (from Sister, Sister fame), Prince (yeah, Prince. Who knew?). Chili from TLC. I could name more, but I was getting bored (plus I think I lost yall with Chili).
Anyway, I’m thinking about trying this out. I just gotta find the right white chick (although I am thinking that a basic one will do). Alls I gots to do is knock her up and then wait patiently to reap the benefits of my rewards. No, not the child, stupid; but the fame and fortune they will reap. I’m guessing that their need to succeed comes from a life time of neglect and longing. Oh well, they will understand once they have made a name for themselves and I tactfully enter back into the picture. Of course, I will let them know that I did not abandon them. Hell now that would be wrong. I will let them know that I had to leave; for the greater good. Explain how if I had stuck around they would not be where they are today: The first Black Female President of the United States, or the first male black….Hum, it’s getting harder and harder to be the first male black anything these days. I wonder if I could nigger-rig it so that the child would be female. Hummmm.
Anyway, I’m thinking this will work. Sadly, it will take several years before I actually get any type of feedback on the hypothesis, but I think it might be worth the effort.
-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.
Yeah, I know I need to seek help, but my counselor better damn well be biracial, damn it! AND THEIR MOTHER BEST BE WHITE!