Saturday, March 1, 2008

This Is a Test

So, I finally figured it out. The way to have a well rounded, over-achieving, self motivated child; destined for success. Now, I hate to give Senator Obama so much credit for everything, but I got to admit that this idea stemmed from attending his rally on Wednesday. It was during the course of his speech, when he said how he was the child of a teen-age mother; whose father left him when he was only two years old. That's when it dawned on me. The secret to rearing a child who would become famous in their own right.

That’s right. You guessed it. If you want your child to have success you got to find yourself a white woman, impregnate her with your seed and then leave her right before or soon after the little bastard is born. No. Marriage is not necessary to accomplish this task. Don’t get me wrong, if you feel the need to marry the chick by all means feel free…however, remember that the key is to leave. This experiment will not work if you stick around. You cannot be a part of the child’s life in any way, shape or form. You cannot write. You cannot pay child support. You can’t be a part of his or her life, at all! I can’t stress this enough.
Now I know this might seem a bit harsh, especially if you are one of those that feel the need to be responsible and take apart in the upraising of your child, but I’m telling you that you have to look at the big picture and push those ethics aside. We are talking about the future of your child here. I’ve done the research. This will work (I’m pretty sure).

Case in point; Barack Obama, Halle Berry, Mariah Carrie, the Rock, Collin Powell (I’m assuming), Lisa Bonet (at least at one point), Naomi Campbell (although the bitch is crazy), Alisha Keyes, Dorothy Dandridge, Vin Diesel (once upon a time), Derek Jeter, Tia and Tamara Mowry (from Sister, Sister fame), Prince (yeah, Prince. Who knew?). Chili from TLC. I could name more, but I was getting bored (plus I think I lost yall with Chili).

Anyway, I’m thinking about trying this out. I just gotta find the right white chick (although I am thinking that a basic one will do). Alls I gots to do is knock her up and then wait patiently to reap the benefits of my rewards. No, not the child, stupid; but the fame and fortune they will reap. I’m guessing that their need to succeed comes from a life time of neglect and longing. Oh well, they will understand once they have made a name for themselves and I tactfully enter back into the picture. Of course, I will let them know that I did not abandon them. Hell now that would be wrong. I will let them know that I had to leave; for the greater good. Explain how if I had stuck around they would not be where they are today: The first Black Female President of the United States, or the first male black….Hum, it’s getting harder and harder to be the first male black anything these days. I wonder if I could nigger-rig it so that the child would be female. Hummmm.

Anyway, I’m thinking this will work. Sadly, it will take several years before I actually get any type of feedback on the hypothesis, but I think it might be worth the effort.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

Yeah, I know I need to seek help, but my counselor better damn well be biracial, damn it! AND THEIR MOTHER BEST BE WHITE!

39 comments:

mp1 v.8.0 said...

Yo ignant azz just made me spit this Coke on my monitor. These coworkers wondering what the hell I'm looking at now! Damn you!!

And I was gonna pop the theory, but I gotta let folk comment first.

I gotta learn from you. Fa real fa real. Where you come up with this stuff?

One Man’s Opinion said...

Sometimes my mind takes me strange places, MP. I's sorry. I can't wait for you to pop my theory. No need me going out and giving away my seed for not.

guerreiranigeriana said...

lmao!!!...what in the hell?!!...you want to kill me with laughter obviously...thank God i'm not white so fools won't be coming up to me trying to test that theory out on me:)...

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

lmao... The problem with this theory is that if you don't pay child support you will lose your drivers license and they will garnish your wages. So basically your life will be ruined. On top of that I cant see a grown child accepting that excuse for missing 30+ years of birthdays. Even if the logic makes sense.

Shazza Nakim said...

There was a science magazine I read a few years ago that predicted what Humans will look like in the future. What was interesting was that the cover was a computerized image of a woman with a mix of all the distinctive features of the Human race with the skin complection of a ROCK or a Halle Berry.

I wish I could find it in my storage of magazines and articles but what I found most interesting was that many of the distintive intrinsic ethnic features, physical attributes like the skin's protection from the sun and diminished eye sight became an issue. Hight was also a factor (that is if cancer don't kills us all). I will try and find it and possible locate it online.

I won't touch the whole Color Consciousness Think, I try to believe that Black Folk have moved enough beyond it to not care .. but I can also see how MIXED and Bi-Racial features can become the new Beauty ...

One Man’s Opinion said...

Alright, Mr. Homer. If I get the right woman then she will not go after me for child support, so there. I'm over thirty years old and I would love to meet my biological father just once, so I disagree. Seriously, just once.

Shazza, I hope you are able to find that mag....As for our peeps moving passed anything, I will believe it when I stop hearing the phase, "good hair". You heard...

Mark D. Aster said...

Interesting thought, One Man; pit a black man with a white woman and you get a socially acceptable bland bi-racial entertainer (Sorry, Obama is just an entertainer as far as I'm concerned. I ain't drinking the Kool-Aid yet).

When you flip the script and do the white guy/black woman thing, you get more community-minded brothers like Roy Campanella, Booker T. Washington and Bob Marley. Go figure!

Personally, I ain't trading up for Miss Daisy (not that there's anything wrong with it for those so inclined). I'll continue to stick to my dreams of making mad monkey love to Grace Jones on some tropical island!

One Man’s Opinion said...

Grace Jones...Ewwwww.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Can I just get test tube and save some cost=lol.

Mark D. Aster said...

One Man, I just have a thing for athletic sisters of the Nilotic strain.

Look, you got your dream deferred, I got's mine dammit!

D-Place said...

LMAO

Eb the Celeb said...

I hate you so much right now for this post... why the hell you got naomi campbell up there... she aint mixed

One Man’s Opinion said...

Don't be calling me out, eb. My source said that Miss Cambell was mixed. LOL

mp1 v.8.0 said...

Oh, Barack saw his pops a few times, so he had something to do with him. It wasn't much, but it was more contact than I had with my pops. Does that mess up the theory? Oh, and they were "married" too.

IVENTBYBLOGGING said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IVENTBYBLOGGING said...

You know what??? U iz a nut, but ur theory is sensical! u r crazy!!

Are u goin to pull together a theory based on black children who's papa was a rolling stone and turned out successful, too?
lolololololololololol

love u twin!
brie brie

Sha Boogie said...

DEAD! DEAD!!..LMAO I am gone. Bring out the crime scene tape, you done killed me off with your madness, HAHA! That was fantastically hilarious.

Today's ranting said...

Chei! You are a weird fellow.Why is your head thinking in this direction? Very hilarious post. LMAO!

mp1 v.8.0 said...

I changed the blog up man. My new url is eriethoughts.blogspot.com. Change the link up for me, homie

One Man’s Opinion said...

They were married, but daddy left, so my theory still stands. So there.

BronzeBuckaroo said...

You have one wicked sense of humor, brother. Keep it up! :-)

Muze said...

lol. this is so stupid...but so true! lol.

...except tia and tamara. their father is white and their mother is black, and they're still happily married.

but i guess they haven't made it to spectacular success anyway. lol.

Marcus said...

This won't succeed as a matter of fact, that's exactly what I consider.
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