It's a Family Affair

So, I have decided that I am going to do everything in my power to spend one of my two days off with my family. And trust me, it ain’t easy. Every time I go over there it more and more drama. Today is no different, even though there was not a crack head insight.

When I first get there I see a little parcel sitting outside of the door, so I pick it up and take it into my mom. She ask me to open, so I take it into the kitchen to cut loose the tape. So, I open the box and unwraps the little item inside. You’ll never guess what was inside. Go ahead. Guess.
You give up? Good, because you never would have guessed.

Inside of the box was this little bottle dispenser of something that was called “liquid toilet paper”. That right, you heard me correctly. LIQUID TOLIET PAPER! What the hell? I take the little item back to my mom, hand it over to her with an, “Ewww”. She informs me that it was a free sample that some company sent to her. Yeah, okay. Still……Ewwww.

Later, my sister invites me to go to my little nephew’s PTA meeting. How cool was that. I’ve never been to a PTA meeting. Not many guys at a PTA meeting. I found that to be interesting. After that my sister goes shopping for the Laptop we want to get my mom for her birthday, next week. She asked me for my debt card and I denied her. She was a little offended and asked me if I trusted her. I told her I didn’t, nor would I trust anyone with my debt card. That is always a bad idea.

My little brother is missing in action all day. My mom told me he was out job hunt, but I believed that like I believe that bees are making honey in my ass channel. Anyway, I am laying in the room with my mom, watching Project Runway when my sister calls to take our dinner order. Someone drives into the yard, not long after. I think it is my little sister, but it turns out to be my little brother. He is outside talking to someone, but I can’t tell who. But I find out when my sister gets back with the food.

“Where you brother at,” I ask.
“He out there talking to my 23 year old, unemployed, criminal boyfriend’s mom.”
“Oh. Why he talking to her?”
“Because they are dating now.”
“What? How old is she?”
“She is 43.”
“Oh. Still, mom can’t tell him who he can and can not date.”
“She’s married. That is why mom threatened to put him out.”

Drama, people Nothing but drama. My brother is dating a married woman, who lives down the street, who is the mother of his friend and his sister’s girlfriend. Now I am wondering if this is the chick he had in his room the night I brought little Leroy over, but I don’t bother to ask the question.

What the fuck is going on with my family, people! What the fuck is going on? So now, besides everything else, I have to worry about some crazy husband coming over to do harm to my brother when he finds out about this affair. It is a serious concern, folks, when you consider that the majority of the men on my mom’s side of the family died violent deaths, before the age of forty.

Uncle one: Shot and killed on Thanksgiving day by the father of the girl he was dating at the time.

Uncle two: Stabbed to death by a jealous cousin, while he sleep.

Uncle three: Taken by a violent illness.

Uncle four: A pre-op transsexual, prostitute. Yeah, he, well she actually killed a prostitute for trying to take over her corner and since he is technically a she now, I guess he doesn’t count anyway. But all the other ones hold true.

I don’t know what I would do if somebody hurt my little brother just because some horny bitch can’t stay true to the commitment she made to her spouse. I don’t know what she sees in my brother anyway. Sure he is funny, handsome and charming, but he is also, lazy, unemployed and living at home with his mother. He husband must really be a loser.

Anyway, my family drives me crazy. If it ain’t one thing it’s another with them. I promise you, if it wasn’t for my mom and my nephew, I would have disassociated myself from them a long time ago. I love them to death, but the drama is either gonna kill me or cause me my job.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.