Did You Ever?

Yesterday I had trouble sleeping because this bitch of a sergeant (male) resent me to rude ass email. I promise you, I am going to beat his unprofessional ass. I ain’t lying. Anyway the email bade me so mad that I couldn’t even sleep prior to going to work, which lead to me being hella tired at work. Sgt. Lupe drove me around and my ass was nodding off in the car like nobody’s business. That is until we got the burglary in process. Needless to say I was all over that and I assisted in capturing two of the three bastards. Can you believe that one of them was only 15 years old, the other seventeen. Of course you can, but that is not what this post is about. Although, just for the record, I still believe that if you are still of school age, look like me and I catch you committing a crime…Instead of taking you to jail I need to have the right to take off my belt and whoop your little ass.

Anyway, so I veered completely off topic her. So, back to not being able to sleep to save my life, prior to going to work. I telling you I was hyped up for a fight and wondering how I was going to have this confrontation with Sgt. Asshole, without losing my temper (I still have not lost it and I promise you it is a daily task with the idiots that I encounter on a daily basis). So, as I am laying in bed my mind began to wonder. I began to think about my step-father and how he was mean to me. Which lead to me thinking about my childhood. Growing up with two older sisters, before the twins were born. Which lead to me thinking about the time I walked in on my mom and step-father having sex. AGHHHHHH!

Yeah, not to traumatizing.

It happened quit innocently enough. You see, my family didn’t have much money and we only had two television. A black and white one that my grandmother had given to me and one of my sisters and the one in my parents room. Of course, being the baby boy, my sisters hogged the black and white television and I didn’t want to watch what they were watching, so I ventured into my parents room to see if I could watch television with them. Now mind you, this was on a Saturday, in the middle of the day, and I was nine years old. I know I was nine, because I am ten years older than my little brother and sister.

Anyway, so I walk through the house and open the door to my parents room and what to my wondering eyes should appear? Yeah, you guessed it. Nothing pretty. All I remember was my mom on top of my step father and naked asses. Oh, and the shocked look on both of their faces. I don’t know what the fuck they were shocked about. I was the one expecting to watch the Rifleman only to end up trying to burn my eyes out with Clorox (not really, but you get my drift). Of course I immediately shut the door and walk stiff leggedly back into the area of the house where my sisters were. And I’m telling you it most have registered all over my face, because they was asking me “what happened, One man.” “What’s wrong.”

Of course I didn’t answer them. I mean, how do you tell your sisters they you just saw your parents having sexual relations. Plus, no one had explained to me the facts of life and I had no idea what the fuck I had walked in on. I just know that it was wrong for me to see and that I was extremely embarrassed.

Now, if that wasn’t bad enough, we end up having a family meeting that night. Now, keep in mind I just want to block the shit out. Have that whole repressed memory thing going on, that you read so much about. But uh, no. My step-father and his overly religious ass, had to give up this talk about Noah and how one of his sons had stumbled upon the drunken Noah naked. And how God had cursed Noah’s son for peering upon his fathers naked body. I kid you not. Can you believe that shit? So not only was I already traumatized by the events of the day, not to mention having to miss the Rifleman, but now I had to worry about God smiting my ass for seeing my step-father naked. Lucky for me that I never considered the bastard as much of a father figure, so I rationalized that I was alright. Oh, and did I mention that this little talk just resulted in my sisters prodding me even more to find out what I had seen. Uh, take a guess bitches. I can’t say it. If I say it, my tongue with turn to maggots and I will be struck dumb right on the spot.
Anyway, this is the first time in my whole life that I have ever recanted that story and I choose to share it with my blog family. Now don’t you feel special?

So, my question to you. Have any of you good people every walked in on your parents having sex? I know I ain’t the only one. I’m probably just the only one who didn’t know what the shit was called at the time I was witnessing it. Oh, and probably the only one who was made to feel like I was going to go to hell for my innocent transgression.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

Okay, Freedom. Go ahead and break down the details about Noah and his son seeing him naked. You know you wanna.