Thursday, May 1, 2008

Sin's Of Our Father

Here’s an interesting story for you. It’s a week old, but interesting nonetheless.
So, last week one of my older sisters, let’s call her Dot, had surgery on her rotator cuff (or is it cup). Anyway, as I was going over to visit her I decided to call my moms and see how she was doing and check on my little heart. During the course of our conversation she tell me about what a wonderful day he had in Daycare and how he brought home all his crap and dumped it on her floor. Then she mentioned the thing that pissed me off.

Mom: You know he got bit by one of his classmates, right?
Me: What? He got bitten?
Mom: Yeah, this little girl bit him.
Me: Why is somebody biting my little nephew and what happened to her?
Mom: I don’t know, you’ll have to ask your sister (let call her Bonnie).
Me: Where is Bonnie? Is she home from work yet?
Mom: Yeah, she’s in there.
Me: Okay mom, let me call her and see what is going on. Love you.

So I call my sister and get the story. Apparently this abuse is has been going on with this little girl, let’s call her Martha (and yeah, that’s the little heifer’s real name). My little man has been coming home with all kinds of scratches and crap on his face for a while now. Minor stuff, but still; why the hell is this being allowed to go on? Now I find out that this little bitch done bit my nephew on the neck. What is this child, a vampire? Now, yall know I have posted on human bites before. They are some of the nastiest bites you can get; worst than being bite by a four legged animal. So, I am pissed.

To make things worse, when Bonnie notices that her child has been bitten she ask the Daycare owner who had bit him and she tell him that she is not allowed to say. So, since little man is old enough to tell (thank God), she asks him who had bit him and he say, “Martha”. So, Bonnie stays to try and have a conversation with this girl’s mother, since nothing apparently is happening to the little girl. On and Martha is just a little over one year’s old, but I don’t give a damn! She needs some damn home training. Somebody needs to pop her little ass. She ain’t no dog, so she shouldn’t be biting folks.

But I digress; my sister tries to have a little back and forth with Martha’s mommy, but the woman doesn’t speak English, (yes, Martha is Hispanic) so that went nowhere. So, my sister goes on to tell me how Dot and her kids tells Little man that he should fight back. So he gets in trouble for beating up the little girl, which I don’t agree with either. I don’t want him to be a little sissy, which he isn’t, but I don’t won’t him being a little bully either and I definitely don’t want him to grow up thinking it is okay to hit a woman. Keep in mind that little man is heavy handed, when he play hits me that crap stings (that’s why he knows not to play with his uncle like that). Plus, he doesn’t fight fair. He will pick something up in a minute (which I don’t have a problem with actually, depending on the situation). He also wrestles with my two-hundred and something pound nephew, so he is use to ruff housing. I’m rambling, but in a nutshell, he should be doing what he was taught by his mom to do and that is to tell the teacher and let the adults handle it. The problem is that it is not being handled and Lord knows they don’t want Uncle One Man to roll up into that Daycare. I’ll taser a one year old and then yall will truly be hearing about some police brutality on the news.

Anyway, it gets better. I get over to Dot’s house and I immediately ask them why they are telling little man to fight girls. We want him to make good decisions before he enrolls into our public school system. I don’t want him to be the victim of zero tolerance, kicked into alternative school and getting a secondary education. God help us if his mother tries to home school his ass. She may have her bachelor’s degree, but I swear that I expect that damn thing to spontaneously combust, every time she opens her mouth.

Here’s the kicker, in the course of my conversation with Dot and my Niece, Dee, I find out that now, little man considers Martha his girlfriend. Oh, hell naw! We will not have dysfunctional, abusive relationships going on at the age of two. Not on my watch. I am honestly thinking that someone has put it into this little boy’s head that this is how relationship’s work. Keep in mind, that my nephew is very perceptive. I think he’s a child prodigy myself (but I’m bias).
So, a couple of days later I’m over to my mom’s and jokingly ask who has been teaching little man that it is okay to hit in a relationship. Do you know that I found out that his dad, God rest his soul, was abusive. Not only did I find out that he slapped my little sister, once,which pissed me off because she didn’t tell her police officer brother. Plus, my sisters do not get beat up by men. It is not in them. They are not that kind of women. They fight the hell back. It turned out that her and my step-father, when he found out, put him in check. However, he use to beat the hell out of his next baby momma. Yeah, little man’s daddy was a hoe. Little man, at the mere age of two, already has a little brother and sister, by two different women and I think about four of five older siblings (ain’t that some shit).

Bonnie goes on to tell me how when little man was just a little over a year old he came home, after spending a day with his dad and skank girl, and attempts to put her in a head lock. She promptly calls daddy and ask him to please not beat up his girlfriend in front of her child. Ain’t that something? Well, this negative male influence died in a car accident before little man turned two years old, but I kind of wonder what damage he’s done to my little man’s impressionable psyche.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.
(I typed this quickly before heading off to work. Sorry, if it is a tends to ramble. Also sorry I could not find a more recent picture of little man.)


Shazza Nakim said...

OK get ready to get stressed cause SHAZZA just rolled up his sleeves on this one.

I was your little nephew back in the day. Momma use to tell me not to be fighting because it's not PROPER. She also said that if anyone hits you, you hit them back. She told me that BOYS shouldn't be hitting on Girls. I was confused by the Gender role of Boys and suffered for it.

Brotha Man was getting YOKED UP by the females with slaps, punches, scratches and bruises. Momma drew the line with bites BUT until then, my SKIN was a canvas of Battle Scars where I alway loss to little Honeys.

One day, after a whole day of being beat up upon, my Little Cousin (female) decided she would let my Grandmother's dog loose on me and not only chase but bite me. Later that night, THE RULES CHANGES. Momma realized that her BABY was at a disadvantage. My little cousin and her girlfriends decided to play scratch-attack on me the next week.


EVERYONE WAS APPALLED!!! How dare you do that? You are a BOY and they are GIRLS. You should be ashamed .. blah blah blah.

My Point ... She Bites ... He Bites. She hits ... He hits. learning to defend yourself is a lesson all children need to learn, not just to protect themselves but also against older and adult protection. Fighting is what children do BUT it has to be balanced with Proper Parental Guidance. At 'lil Man's Age, he needs to learn CONSEQUENCES. He is at the proper age to set the lessons that will last a life time. I you need to tell CONSWELLA or MARIA or YOLANDA or whatever the Mother's name is ... even if you have to DRAW an picture, you let her know that the next time her DEMON CHILD BITES, 'lil Man will knock her F*%$ing baby teeth out. Let the TEACHER know this as well to put her on notice to DO HER JOB. You don't sent your kids to school to be munched on nor do you send them there to be IGNORED either.


Stew said...

lets hope that this don't continue. but he got enough time to get it together. seeing enough positivity will help erase anything negative that he has seen. he is only two. most of what he knows now he won't remember anyway. hell sometimes i forget i was two.

Mizrepresent said...

You are a wonderful uncle, and he is an adorable child. Don't worry too much about his heritage, the good things you bring to his life, will outweigh DNA. I remember little boys used to hit me, because they liked me...i know doesn't really make a difference, but the childcare provider should most definitely put an end to this, or have the girl removed.

dejanae said...

lil man is a cutie
where the hell were the friggin daycare providers?

haha@chick being his girlfriend now

hopefully whatever abusive behavior he witnessed wont have any lasting damage

-eve- said...

That's a sweet picture!

Good story... he can't be blamed for what he's learnt... just need to reteach him some... :-)

Anonymous said...

Lemme give you my 2 cents. From a few different points of view.

First, I am a parent and if my son came home with a bite mark on his body, I'm calling my daycare provider ASAP. Hell, I've got her cell phone number. And then me and that mother are going to have a convo. Luckily, I speak Spanish so the language barrier would not have been a problem but had she spoken Russian or some mess like that, I'd find a translation, use sign language or as others said, draw her a picture. Let her know that the next time her KID assaults my child, it will be ME and HER. Leave the kids outta this one. If I have to beat it into YOU that you NEED to control your kid, I will.

I will go to jail!

Second, let that little crumb snatcher bite my son again and it will take every fiber of my being not to chop that little snot bag in the throat. Cuz I fight toddlers.

Now that I let the Chi-town Southside come out, let me give you the educated sista speak:

The reason the daycares don't give out that info is so that situations like I just described don't happen. But the daycare needs to do a better job of emphasizing that biting is not allowed. The good news is that biting at that age is truly a phase. If Martha is 4 or 5 and still biting, she needs her ass kicked for real. But the daycare has been put on notice so hopefully the situation gets better. If not, I'd look into alternate daycare. Fooling with my child's livelihood is unacceptable.

Lastly, don't worry about your nephew's predisposition to violence against women. It is now, during his most formidable years, that he will begin to shape his ideals of relationships and the roles that men and women play in them. Hopefully, your sister will only show him positive male role models that will further strengthen what you have obviously instilled in him.

Good lookin' out Uncle!

My bad on mini-bloggin' in your comments. Forgive me?

Darius T. Williams said...

Wow - so your family ain't the only one that's messed up? But the girl beat him up and then made him her boyfriend - lol. WOW

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

I don't get how daycares handles this kind of stuff. My daughter went thru something similar, luckly she is a girls so she has permissions to hit any and everyone back. But Your sister did the right thing to try and talk to the parent, my baby momma instantly wants to fight the kid.

JayBee said...

the title is so fitting. you infuse sarcasm into everything. please don't taser any one year olds. spontaneously combust? absolutely hilarious. the humor doesn't overshadow the seriousness of what is going on, however. you are right to step to your sister about encouraging your nephew to hit girls. unacceptable. i also think your sister needs to have a conversation with the daycare owner about being more watchful of the kids and consequences for inappropriate behavior. if i was your sister, i'd whip out my spanish-english dictionary and piece together a message for martha's mom. it'd go something like this: keep yo bad azz girl away from my son, b@tch.

i almost want to say that your nephew didn't really know what was going on, but maybe he does remember all too well and perhaps those engagements had more of an effect on him than we'll ever know. there's nothing else to say because you have already recognized that you must do all that you can to make sure he develops appropriate interpersonal relationships devoid of the toxicity of abuse.

naijalines said...

It's the same in the UK. Black boys get a rough deal in schools and it starts from daycare. Schools and daycare encourage bullying by not dealing with it.

My son went thru' the same thing. I used to get calls at work all the time and asked to come up to the school more times than I ever had lunch... Your son this, your son that...They made it look like he was the one with a problem. I got so fed up I told him to fight back and beat the hell out of anyone who bullies him.... when no one is looking. It worked.

He's almost 16 now and doing great at school. Sharp, clever and gets very good grades. Very focused and ambitious. Thank God. But if you saw the reports they wrote about him way back then (from ages 6 until 10) you'd have thought this boy would def end up in a bad way.

The system demonises black boys (label them as violent and evil) from a very early age. We must do all we can to protect our boys who'd ultimately become men. This petty bullying is how it starts... Sometimes I think it's a conspiracy to keep black men down - I have a saying: if you want to hold a community down, keep the men down. The fight starts from infancy. We fought them and we won. Thank God!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's your state, but if my child receives any mark/scar while he's at daycare whether it be from another child or him falling, the daycare write up report. They tell me about the incident, I read the report, and sign it.

I wouldn't worry to much about him fighting girls now or what damage, if any, was done watching his father being abusive toward women. Kids especially toddlers hit each other. He's two and probably won't remember a thing. He has alot more of years of his life to watch and learn from positive males than the year of negativity he has been exposed to. I now you'll make sure of that.

cathouse teri said...

I think Shazza's personal experience certainly speaks volumes.

It should be clarified that defending yourself is nothing like being a bully.

I have three kids. Two boys and a girl. I HATED this part about raising them. Especially the part with the boys. My oldest had an encounter outside the front door. I could see the other boy was a good foot taller. (My boy was only in first grade, at this time.) The other boy was trying to push my boy to fight him. My son stood his ground, but didn't fight back. It is not in his nature to fight. The boy finally shoved my boy into the bushes and I was on the porch in a flash! I grabbed that kid by the shirt and said, "Listen, you little shit! Keep your hands off of my son and don't come near him again! Anywhere! Ever!" And he never did. Wouldn't even walk on our side of the street any more.

Still, my son had to learn to defend himself. I knew he was not a bully and I knew that if he punched someone, they damn well deserved it.

It's true, that little girls need to be punched, too. Children should never be taught that it's okay for someone to hit you.

My boys are now 26 and 20. They are both patient, tolerant and reasonable. But if you fuck with them, or their babies, you will get the stuffing knocked out of you.

And my daughter is a cocktail waitress at a cowboy bar in Los Angeles. She's not a violent person, either. But she sure is the only one who has the nerve to take a guy who is tossing about barstools and shove him up against the wall, out a door, locking it behind him and getting the cops there.

And my kids are not from or in a rough neighborhood. This is just regular, life stuff.

As for the day care center ~ the procedure should go:
Child gets attacked.
Report is written.
Parents of both children AND childcare professional meet to discuss solutions.
If it happens again ~ the biter is out!

One Man’s Opinion said...

Thanks for the book, Shazza. My sister has put the woman on notice, because she knows damn well she should not be letting children bite. Also, if you are on noticed that two children are not getting along, even though Martha is his girlfriend now, then yoy shounld not leave them along together. Period.
Plus, I know at this age the boys hitting girls thing isn't the same. At this age they are as strong as one another, and girls are more vicious. Yeah, I said it!

Ieisha, you so violent. Botth the mom, the child and the daycare worker needs foot placed directly up their collective asses and uncle wear's a size eleven and a half boot. Oh, and I don't buy that crap about all kids biting at that age. My Nephew was never a biter. Just like he never sucked a pacifier. He's special.

Homer, yeah, my little sister is the only one of my three sister's that doesn't have that pit bull mentality.

JB, I know how to say bitch in spanish. You think that would be enough. You know, if I pointed to the mom and said "bitch" and then to the daughter and said "bitch".
Oh, and trust me when I say that I know all too well how much my little nephew retains from his infancy. The first two weeks of his life he and his mom stayed with me. I called myself introducing him to Roscoe, my Rottie. Little man did not take to him at all. Then, when he was a few weeks older and gaing his motor skills, I took him out to see Roscoe again. That little joker literally tired to climb higher on me, and he was like five months old. To this day, he knows that Roscoe is in the backyard and he doesn't like him. Yeah, I think I made those introductions to soon, and he has never forgot.

Nai, I agree whole heartedly and I refuse to let my nephew be held down or back. That little joker is gonna support me in his old age. He don't know it yet, but you read it here first.

Your right Southern Gal. I probably should stop telling him how I'm gonna bust him in the nose.

Teri, I like what both you and Shazza had to say. I want little man to protect himself, within boundaries. I don't want him to become a bully or anything like that. There is a thin line, you know. Besides, that's what he has an uncle, who is a cop, for. I do believe that the Daycare should suspend the little bitch for her behavior and put the mom on notice.

MP said...

My two year old nephew got bit in his back by some rabid punk and his school. He was switched to a different class after the teachers pretended like they had no idea what happened and then we tool him out of the school altogether. Kids that bite should have their teeth knocked and forced to go without them until their adult teeth come in.


I don't mean to make light of a serious situation , but tasering a one year old...hilarious!

Brittany said...

I used to work at daycares. The children bite when they get frustrated because it is hard for them to verbalize their thoughts. Our policy was three bites and you could not come back to the daycare.

Shazza Nakim said...

Its a shame that we are looking at BAD kids as the issue ... Bad kids come from bad parenting ... here is a situation where we want to beat the parent through the child.

I know I am at fault too.

KC said...

You have a good sense of humor. We have to find some way to laugh at the things that would otherwise have us in tears. As a mother and and a school social worker - I teach my son to first use his words directly with the offender, second to tell the teacher and third I give him the ok to defend himself against ALL attackers. The sad reality is that some of our young ladies come harder than their male counterparts these days and, like iesha, I don't want to have to go to jail behind some 1st grade nonsense.

Ms Smack said...

You are a wonderful man and thoughtful uncle. I love the advice you share with us.

The responsibility lays with the daycare centre to protect both children. Obviously Martha is acting out some behaviour they have to stop NOW. Repeated punishment and consequence is the answer to stopping her biting anyone, but most of all, protecting your little one.

Language barriers are no excuse to a mis-behaving child!

The daycare centre are at fault!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

sounds like he gone be a free thinker, scholar warrioir dogon priest - i too was/am heavy handed

Desy said...

another gorgeous pic... i'm startin to fall in love with your nephew over here... but i'm not so superficial that i don't need to get to kno him

anyway... that is some shyt for real. i can't believe they are just letting that continue, but it really makes me wonder about what she is seeing or being exposed to in her own home. Children do things that they observe... that's their learning mechanism... but did i correctly read you calling this one yr old a bitch? smh... One Man... i kno u love ur little man, but clearly there is something goin on with this one yr old that she keeps findin the need to mark her territory on your nephews neck like that... if u want, i can come help u out... my spanish is tightenin

VertigoVirgo said...

I knew a kid once, we were 5, I used to be a tomboy, he called me a "sissy"... I punched him in the eye.

...I also had the biggest crush on him.

That "spanish only" speaking mother...her a** speaks english...TRUST! and if not, someone on the street does and will translate for free.

That Girl Tam said...

As a mother of small children, if my sons came home with knicks, scratches and bites, my ass would be up in SOMEONE'S face immediately. I'm not really the kind of woman who settles for bullshit talking and/or excuses. If I didn't feel satisfied with the answers I got, heads WILL roll.

I have taught my sons that hitting girls is wrong - so I'm really interested in seeing how they'll react to this new baby girl we'll be bringing home in a few more months. She'll probably end u p beinga bully her damn self and we'll have to teach her to keep her hands to herself.

Personally, if I wasn't satisfied with the response or reaction of the daycare, I'd be pulling my kid out and finding another one. That ain't the only game in town...I've been very fortunate in finding quality care and have never had any problems (knock on wood).

I'm mad @ you for saying that your sister's degree is gonna combust. You're so wrong for

Ann(ie) said...!!! Your writing style is hysterical. AND I fully agree. I'd be ticked beyond belief if my boy were getting bitten on the neck.

That pic is stinkin adorable!

mp1 v.8.0 said...

damn, little kids are more preceptive than I realized. I've really gotta watch myself around the seed.

I wish a miggyfiggy would touch my sister. I don't knwo what I'd do. maybe that's why she aint tell you. You knwo how big brothers can be.