Monday, May 25, 2009

Lassie Go Home

Okay, so I'm thinking that my auncle is planning on stayind down here. There was already a vibe that this was playing in her mind within the first week of her being here, but kow I know it for sure. She called me yesterday calling herself scolding me for not returning her phone call last week. We I don't return phone calls, unless it is an emergency, especially if you are someone I plan on seeing within the next week or two. That is just how I roll.
At any rate she called me, on my cell (and I have told my mom to stop giving people my damn phone number). She is all exctied and telling me about this house they her and my little sister found that is close by my mom and how it is the perfect house and asking if I think they will approve her for the house and crap. She is going so fast that it's like she started at the end of the conversation, so when she ask my opinion I don't have the slightest idea of what she is talking about. So, she starts over, all exasperated and shit. Whatever, I need your ass to start at the beging because I don't have the slightest idea of what you are talking about.
In a nut shell she wants me to go look at the house with her on Wednesday, which I have already explained to her is mother movie day. Plus she is coming into some money, so she says, on the first and she is wondering if whoever is renting the house will let her move in with the five hundred dollars down payment.....What the fuck? How the hell am I suppose to know this?
In all honesty I think she was trying to work up the nerve to ask to borrow the five hundrd dollars for the down payment on the house. C'mon yall, I ain't new. I know when someone is working their way up to asking for something. So apparently she didn't get the memo. Nephew One Man don't lead money, bitch. (I'm sorry....I meant auntie.) Hell, I want even lend my momma money. You better ask somebody. Don't get me wrong, if my mom ask for money, I will give it to her (within reason), but if she ask to borrow it the answer is no, because I know she want pay it back and I know I want ask for it back so I just cut threw the chrade and give the damn money to her. Other than that, NO. And I especially don't lend out money to people with no reconizable source of income. Bitch, you don't got no job. (plus, next week is Uncle and Manny week at Disney World!)
Beside, I don't want her to move down her. She is freaking me out. I love her to death, but she is strange, plus I don't like her around my nephew or any of my family for that matter. Now I know what went through a lot of your minds. He doesn't want him around his nephew because he is a transexual. WRONG. I don't want him....her around my nephew because I know that she was molested as a child and the reality is that most children of molestation, molest. When you add that to the fact that most cases of molestation are by people that are known to the victim....yeah, I'm not feeling comfortable.
But the list goes on. She already had a fight (arguement) with my mom, according to my little sister. That's not surprising though. Hell, it was expected. My mom fights we every damn body. I even told her as much. I said, "mom, evertime I come over here you are in a fight with somebody". It pretty funny, because she's the nicest person you ever want to meet, but I think I'm the only person she doesn't get into it with. I think that's because she knows I'll stay my ass at home. I have no problem cutting my damn self off. One man is an island unto himself. LOL.
Plus, I don't want her to stay because she is a hustler to the core. She use to be a prostitute and I think she still have those garden tool tendencies. We know that she has committed murder, and after hearing the story from the horse's mouth. I don't believe that shit, and I've been seeeing way too many cases of family members killing family members lately. I don't really know this person.
And then there's the fact that she just looks plain freaky. Seriously, I don't know were to look at her. Anywhere I look I feel like I'm staring, and I am. Her breast, which are hormome injected real, hang down to her belly button. And it's not like I'm not use to seeing this, I got some over weight, big breasted women in my family. Women who, if you go over to visit them and catch them right out of bed, their breast will be at thier feet, but they will put on a bra to tame those puppies. Not her, she just let's those damn things hang like mellons on a vine. It ain't cute, especially since they are totally out of proprotion with her small frame. So then she try not to look at her breast and look her in the eyes. However this is impossible, because I find myself looking at what I know are cheek implants. Those damn things are so high and they look as hard as a rock, those along with her chin. It's like talking to a fucked up maniquin (plus her grill is a mess). Hell, and if you look away you feel like your being disrespectful. What the hell is a brother suppose to do.
Now, don't get me wrong. I ain't trying to hate but the reality is that even if Micheal Jackson was my brother. I'd love him to death, but it'd freak me out to be around him too much. There's a reason why absence makes the heart grow fonder, Damn it! So, in other words.......
And by the way, Happy Memorial Day.
-One Man's Opinon. Peace.


Anonymous said...

You're assuming, of course, that "Auncle" doesn't have Internet access and reads blogs, right? (*cough*cough*)

The welfare culture of the Civil Rights movement and Great Society have really fucked up our minds as to what some black folk think constitutes "family love and support"; so much so that when one is being firm and direct with the shallow ends of our African-American gene pool, we, the ones who keep the order (and a job) in the family and community are labeled as "mean and non-compassionate."

You need to be direct, bro. That's why I don't have that drama with my family as I believe in treating "blood" with the same respect as Michael Corleone did Fredo in the closing moments of "Godfather, Part II." They say blood is thicker than water, and I always reply ketchup is thicker than both. Draw the line DEEPLY in the sand and make he/she step off.

Guess I'm feeling my Chuck D oats today on Memorial Day ("I got a right to be hostile, man, my veteran peoples' been PERSECUTED!"-LOL).

JACK said...

OK, so "shallow end of the gene pool" not withstanding ... how you gonna criticize how your auncle all excited and talking shit too fast, and then you post a blog of the same sort! I mean, you could really take all the punctuation out of that post and just let it be one long run-on sentence. I'm fucking exhausted after reading it.

As for "lending" money to people with no source of income ... not no - but HELL NAW.

As for "lending" money to people with no source of income, who spend money on cheek implants when their teeth are all jacked up ... not no, not hell naw ... but Fuck You.

Fuck you VERY much.

RunningMom said...

I was thinking along the same lines as Jack - how does someone pay for cheek implants but not have $500, then I remembered you said "she" was a prostitute.

I don't trust anyone I don't know and many people I do know around my son, especially when he was little like Manny's age. Once something like that happens there is no taking it back, so you have to do your best to protect the kids.

The Dreamy One said...

I'm sorry but this post was just hilarious to me,lol

Wow I'm sorry but can we get a visual?

Okay seriously I agree with the other bloggers!

Yeah and I was also thinking I hope the auncle doesn't ever get a hold of this blog,lol

Anonymous said...


I completely understand not wanting shim around your nephew.

Cocoa Rican said...

As critical as I am, I'm a little on the fence about your repeated he/she know we're usually on the same page, but I keep seeing you say it and for some reason it grates at that is part of the reason for your hostility - among the other very valid reasons. Let your protecting Lil' Man be the reason for your uproar...somehow it just seems one in a list of many reasons. Child abuse is a BIG thing and a sore spot for me, so do what you have to do to prevent it and protect the baby...screw the other nonsense.

Anonymous said...

As critical as I am, I'm a little on the fence about your repeated he/she references"Well, I may be dumb/but I can't understand/why she looked like a woman/and talked like a man/Auncle Lola/A-U-N-C-L-E lo-laaaa ...."

(Apologies to Ray Davies and the Kinks)

Apparently he/she is giving One Man a creepy Mrs. Garrison/South Park vibe (LOL)

One Man’s Opinion said...

Okay, this is to address my boy Cocoa Rican and anyone else who thinks I am being direspectful to my Auncle because of the way I go from the male to female pronounce usage, when speaking about him.

You all have to understand that my mom still refers to him as her brother and others still refer to him by his given name, even though he has been living his life as a female for many, many year.

So, it just a force of habit to alternate between him, her, he, she, pronouns (they are pronouns, righ?) Regardless, this is not meant to be disrespect to her or anyone else who feels they were born in the wrong body.

I find myself also doing when I am speaking about her in general, and sometimes have to catch myself in coversation with her.

Cocoa Rican said...

I get it...I'm just wondering whether part of the covert anomosity is centered around your uncle being transgendered...I understand the pronoun issue, but want to be sure that we want the auncle away because he's a murderingk, former prostitute, drama-maker - rather than because he was sexually abused as a child and his being transgendered disgusts the family

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Curious said...

It's so hard for many of us to accept change and new responsibilities, especially if we're not sure of the outcome.

Say what you have to say, do what you have to do 'canuse in the end it's going to be you and maybe others living with the consequences.

Ms Smack said...

Whoahhhhhh I agree with most of your post except this part "the reality is that most children of molestation, molest.

There are hundreds of thousands of child sexual abuse victims that would be highly offended at that statement, mate.

mp1 said...

Dead @ garden tool tendencies.

Auncle.....I was confused for a minute, and thinking to myself "this fool needs to learn how to spell." Now I get it. lol

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網頁設計 said...

hooray, your writings on theater and writing much missed!

蘆洲買屋 said...

hooray, your writings on theater and writing much missed!