Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I Have a Question


I have a question and it is about masturbation.  No, it is not about who or why people masturbate.  I know the answer to both.  Everybody masturbates; men, women, animals...everybody.  Here is my question:  Do you think it is wrong to masturbate when you are in a legitimate, long term relationship?

My answer to the question is yes.  Now, admittedly I have not been in a relationship in forever, so I masturbated like nobody's business.  Hell, nowadays I  masturbate simply for the exercise.  However, when I was in a relationship I never did.  I never felt the need to. 

One of the reason why I didn't masturbate is because I felt like it was a form of cheating.  Yeah, I know that that's crazy talk but it is still how I felt at the time.  Other reasons why I didn't feel the need to masturbate is because  when I was in a relationship I was never as horny as I was when I was outside of a relationship, thus the need for sex was not as crucial.  Lastly, I always felt like, why should I have to masturbate when I have someone who is suppose to be there to help me for fill those sexual needs.  

Seriously, I honestly think that if you are masturbating in a relationship then it is a sign of trouble in that relationship.  I mean, think about it.  Why should you have to pleasure yourself if you are in a relationship.  Sure, I can understand it if that love one is not right there and handy, but if they are in the house with you then they should be there to for fill your sexual needs.  

Well, that's my take on the subject.  What's yours?

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.   

19 comments:

Linda said...

Why is that little boy urinating on his mum? *LOL* Silly renaissance art..

bummer I'm the first one to answer this, but I think you're absolutely not crazy and as a matter of fact right on the suject.. and for this reason..

Because the DIY stuff is most often accompanied by thoughts and fantasies and those are most often not about your spouse (Yes, I'm deliberately saying spouse)

In other words.. you are inevitably letting other people 'join' in the relationship, even if it's just in thoughts. And we all know what Jesus said about that:

"whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart"

Other than that.. yeah, I'm thinking something's wrong if one feels they need that while they're with someone.. it shouldn't be considered normal when you've got someone around to fulfill your needs. But now I'm just quoting you.. *lol*

Greetings from the netherlands! :)

Cocoa Rican said...

I completely understand how you would think the way you do. I won’t go into the religious talk mentioned in the earlier comment…it’s irrelevant.

My opinion is…

Your body is yours to do with as you please. Masturbation has long been labeled wrong, unnatural, etc. by the establishment and many folks are now ashamed of their own bodies and of pleasuring the one person they have every right (and priority) to take care of.

I am in a long term relationship – and have been in several long term relationships before this one – and I have ALWAYS masturbated. My masturbation had no effect on my drive or desire for my partner and was my way to release tension and enjoy my own body.

Everything in moderation and in its context…
If you’re not interested in your partner but beat your meat like an Iraqi prisoner, then your masturbation is simply filling the void left by your dissatisfaction and probably not the cause for the dissatisfaction.

If you’re fantasizing about other people during masturbation, it’s natural…if said partners you’re visualizing are in your circle and within your grasp, then you may be lustful of folks in your circle and not fantasizing. Let’s keep it real…there’s nothing wrong with having an active imagination. Ultimately, always respect your partner.

Given the choice of having sex with my partner or masturbating, I will always choose my partner. My masturbation normally occurs when my partner is not present OR when my partner isn’t in the mood. Contrary to popular belief, being in a relationship does not guarantee a sex partner every day.

Most important…be honest with yourself and your partner. Be nasty, dirty, irreverent and spontaneous with your partner. I freak my man every day…over the phone, in person, in the street…I tell him stuff that keeps our relationship alive and vibrant. Do I think my partner masturbates without me…darn skimpy…and sometimes, I think I may even be the object of his fantasy….but I’m not trippin’ about dumb stuff that’s natural and safe. In long term relationships there are greater concerns than your man pullin’ his own meat.

Kent said...

To answer your question in a nutshell – No.

In my opinion it’s perfectly healthy and there’s nothing wrong with it. Now if it’s excessive or interferes with your life and/or relationship then yes, there’s a problem.
For many (myself included), masturbation was discovered at an early age as a way of dealing with growing up and maturing hormones. I personally have been masturbating waaaaaay before I started having sex. Now because I’ve entered a relationship, that must be abandoned? Ain’t gonna happen. Understand I will ALWAYS choose my man over my hand (it rhymed!), but there are times when we’re not together or just want to let some steam off. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to be with my man or me choosing masturbation over my man. If given the option, I choose him first!

In all of my relationships, I’ve always had a healthy relationship with my partner (both men and women) but still masturbated on my own. Sometimes we would even masturbate together/each other. Is that wrong? So when people are together they should only have sex and not masturbate? I think whatever turns that couple on as long as it’s safe and both are into, then who is anyone to judge?

I don’t consider it cheating because a lot of the times, I tell my man that I was so hot for him that I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to indulge. It’s a way to please myself and it takes nothing away from him. In fact I can be even more turned on. (Yea, I have a very over-active imagination-that helps).

I find being in a relationship makes me more horny than when I’m single. The fact that I have someone that I’m crazy about makes my mind wander and I imagine all sorts of things. But when I’m single other than getting a ‘quick fix’, I have other things to fill my time, work, hobbies, friends, etc. so it’s really not weighing on me. But that’s just me. Not everyone is the same.

I have to disagree. I don’t see masturbation as a sign of trouble in a relationship. Again, if it’s obsessive or interferes in any way of your relationship/life, then there’s a problem. If you choose masturbation over your partner then there’s a problem. Some people feel strongly about pornography in a relationship…that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax!!

One last thing as far as lusting or imagining someone other than your partner while masturbating, don’t people also lust or imagine someone other than their partner while making love? To me that’s more suspect. All in all like Salt N’ Pepa said, “It’s your thang, do what you wanna do.”

Achilles said...

For some reason my profile didn't come up (Kent), can you please delete that entry and keep this one (Achilles). Thanks
__________________________________

To answer your question in a nutshell – No.

In my opinion it’s perfectly healthy and there’s nothing wrong with it. Now if it’s excessive or interferes with your life and/or relationship then yes, there’s a problem.
For many (myself included), masturbation was discovered at an early age as a way of dealing with growing up and maturing hormones. I personally have been masturbating waaaaaay before I started having sex. Now because I’ve entered a relationship, that must be abandoned? Ain’t gonna happen. Understand I will ALWAYS choose my man over my hand (it rhymed!), but there are times when we’re not together or just want to let some steam off. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to be with my man or me choosing masturbation over my man. If given the option, I choose him first!

In all of my relationships, I’ve always had a healthy relationship with my partner (both men and women) but still masturbated on my own. Sometimes we would even masturbate together/each other. Is that wrong? So when people are together they should only have sex and not masturbate? I think whatever turns that couple on as long as it’s safe and both are into, then who is anyone to judge?

I don’t consider it cheating because a lot of the times, I tell my man that I was so hot for him that I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to indulge. It’s a way to please myself and it takes nothing away from him. In fact I can be even more turned on. (Yea, I have a very over-active imagination-that helps).

I find being in a relationship makes me more horny than when I’m single. The fact that I have someone that I’m crazy about makes my mind wander and I imagine all sorts of things. But when I’m single other than getting a ‘quick fix’, I have other things to fill my time, work, hobbies, friends, etc. so it’s really not weighing on me. But that’s just me. Not everyone is the same.

I have to disagree. I don’t see masturbation as a sign of trouble in a relationship. Again, if it’s obsessive or interferes in any way of your relationship/life, then there’s a problem. If you choose masturbation over your partner then there’s a problem. Some people feel strongly about pornography in a relationship…that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax!!

One last thing as far as lusting or imagining someone other than your partner while masturbating, don’t people also lust or imagine someone other than their partner while making love? To me that’s more suspect. All in all like Salt N’ Pepa said, “It’s your thang, do what you wanna do.”

Corey Keith said...

Oh my God! I have been in a relationship for going on three years and I love masturbating! I have loved it since I was ten and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. It is perfectly normal and absolutely healthy.

YBandDL has got Chris Brown's back said...

I feel right at home with all of these long comments...lol
Now before I go into the question at hand I want to address Linda. I would normally say that is a typical answer for a woman to say, however right before I started to leave my comment I asked a fellow blogger if they masturbate during a relationship, and her comment was, who knows how to please you better than yourself.
However I'm truly curious if Linda's man, the guy I'm assuming is in the picture feels the exact same way she feels about masturbation in a relationship. I have a feeling she might be surprised.

I find that women, especially religious women are a bit naive about that subject. I have someone very close to me, who is getting married, and her and her fiancee have decide to save themselves until their wedding night, however neither are virgins, they have never slept with each other. however she without a doubt believes he would never do something like masturbate. They have been together for over a year, and thinks he wouldn't do something like merely masturbate, but that's another subject.

Here is a question I have that Linda and Achilles sparked in me...Is lusting after someone and wanting them sexually, the same thing as merely thinking about something sexual or a person for personal gratification?

I mean personally I don't think it's cheating to masturbate, while in a long term relationship. Now I don't have to much experience on long term relationships, and having many flings and one nighters is not relevant, but I just don't see why it would be cheating.

Now I will admit that I feel you on not being as horny as when you are in a relationship, and don't find the need to masturbate as much. When I am getting sex on a more normal or regular bases. I do realize that I don't masturbate as much. I rather save it for when I have sex. However I don't think I should have to cut it out, just because I get serious with someone.

I think about what Kent/Achilles said what if I am horny for the person I am with, and they are not around. I don't think I should be penalized for my thoughts.

Now maybe it might be considered cheating if they rather masturbate to some porn or whatever in their head, than be with their partner. I don't understand people who rather do that. For me, if they are available I rather have the real thing anytime.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

So I'm cheating when I do it in front of him? lol

Seriously what Cocoa Rican and Achilles said!

Super Dave Van Buren said...

wow.. everyone commented with books..lol

I'll keep it short.. i do it even when I have a girl. i don't see a problem.

RunningMom said...

I don't see a problem with it either, know yourself, know how to please your partner - it's all good.

Linda said...

YBandDL > I'm surprised at how many times people seem to know my husband, even when they haven't spoken a word with him EVER.

It's not just because
*he's a man
*he's black
*he's young
*he lives in 2009

that he can't live a life of purity. If you would ask him, you'd get the EXACT same answer I'm giving to you at any given time.

And no, unlike Ted Haggard, he's not just preaching one thing and doing something else himself. You'd be the one who would be surprised, not me.

I'm not naive here. I haven't been raised in a christian nutshell of a world, I come FROM the world and I know what the world has to offer: nothing. Same goes for my husband. We have lived a life in "the world" first hand and we know it's NOT the way to go. The "wisdom" people claim to have nowadays is nothing compared to the wisdom of God.

I know you're not able to understand this, being so self-absorbed,thinking you know every persons' psyche, but I felt I did deserve a defense on this subject.

Greetings from the Netherlands!

JACK said...

What's with the 5,000 word essays as responses here?!?

This one's easy:

BEAT IT.

(carry on.)

JACK

Mark D. Aster said...

I'm not touching this subject with a ten-foot pole (no pun intended).

Mark D. Aster said...

.... or should you change your cyber-handle to "One Hand's Opinion"? (LOL)

Anonymous said...

i'm married to a man who is addicted to masterbation, he does it all the time while i'm here with him, i have gotten to the point where i just stay in the room,and he's in the other room jackin off to women on the internet. i'm not happy but I just don't know what to do. i left him recently but then was lonely because i was alone, now he's back and as i type this he;s in the living room doing it while i'm in the bedroom. it disgusts me and he knows but he can't stop, even if we have sex he will go right back to the computer and still masterbate. i just live with it. but i'm not happy, we only been married 2 yrs and he's younger than me

Some Chilean Woman said...

Lurker here!

As long as he's thinking of me and gives me all the dirty details later masturbation is ok with me.

But frequency is a concern. If he's spending more time with his hand than he is with me then there is definitely a problem.

Ms Smack said...

I agree with my chilean sister!

The Notorious Z.A.G. said...

Wow.. really? Masturbation is cheating? That, to me(and many others) is insanity. To each his own, but... masturbation is natural, and fantasizing is something exclusive to the human race. I'm not going to give up either for a relationship. Both are personal, self-indulgent acts and no one is getting hurt.

Hampton06 said...

it's not cheating. i imagine if there is a problem in the relationship, one could find it annoying that the hand is getting better action, but it isn't cheating.

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