Lassie Go Home

Okay, so I'm thinking that my auncle is planning on stayind down here. There was already a vibe that this was playing in her mind within the first week of her being here, but kow I know it for sure. She called me yesterday calling herself scolding me for not returning her phone call last week. We I don't return phone calls, unless it is an emergency, especially if you are someone I plan on seeing within the next week or two. That is just how I roll.

At any rate she called me, on my cell (and I have told my mom to stop giving people my damn phone number). She is all exctied and telling me about this house they her and my little sister found that is close by my mom and how it is the perfect house and asking if I think they will approve her for the house and crap. She is going so fast that it's like she started at the end of the conversation, so when she ask my opinion I don't have the slightest idea of what she is talking about. So, she starts over, all exasperated and shit. Whatever, I need your ass to start at the beging because I don't have the slightest idea of what you are talking about.

In a nut shell she wants me to go look at the house with her on Wednesday, which I have already explained to her is mother movie day. Plus she is coming into some money, so she says, on the first and she is wondering if whoever is renting the house will let her move in with the five hundred dollars down payment.....What the fuck? How the hell am I suppose to know this?

In all honesty I think she was trying to work up the nerve to ask to borrow the five hundrd dollars for the down payment on the house. C'mon yall, I ain't new. I know when someone is working their way up to asking for something. So apparently she didn't get the memo. Nephew One Man don't lead money, bitch. (I'm sorry....I meant auntie.) Hell, I want even lend my momma money. You better ask somebody. Don't get me wrong, if my mom ask for money, I will give it to her (within reason), but if she ask to borrow it the answer is no, because I know she want pay it back and I know I want ask for it back so I just cut threw the chrade and give the damn money to her. Other than that, NO. And I especially don't lend out money to people with no reconizable source of income. Bitch, you don't got no job. (plus, next week is Uncle and Manny week at Disney World!)

Beside, I don't want her to move down her. She is freaking me out. I love her to death, but she is strange, plus I don't like her around my nephew or any of my family for that matter. Now I know what went through a lot of your minds. He doesn't want him around his nephew because he is a transexual. WRONG. I don't want him....her around my nephew because I know that she was molested as a child and the reality is that most children of molestation, molest. When you add that to the fact that most cases of molestation are by people that are known to the victim....yeah, I'm not feeling comfortable.

But the list goes on. She already had a fight (arguement) with my mom, according to my little sister. That's not surprising though. Hell, it was expected. My mom fights we every damn body. I even told her as much. I said, "mom, evertime I come over here you are in a fight with somebody". It pretty funny, because she's the nicest person you ever want to meet, but I think I'm the only person she doesn't get into it with. I think that's because she knows I'll stay my ass at home. I have no problem cutting my damn self off. One man is an island unto himself. LOL.

Plus, I don't want her to stay because she is a hustler to the core. She use to be a prostitute and I think she still have those garden tool tendencies. We know that she has committed murder, and after hearing the story from the horse's mouth. I don't believe that shit, and I've been seeeing way too many cases of family members killing family members lately. I don't really know this person.

And then there's the fact that she just looks plain freaky. Seriously, I don't know were to look at her. Anywhere I look I feel like I'm staring, and I am. Her breast, which are hormome injected real, hang down to her belly button. And it's not like I'm not use to seeing this, I got some over weight, big breasted women in my family. Women who, if you go over to visit them and catch them right out of bed, their breast will be at thier feet, but they will put on a bra to tame those puppies. Not her, she just let's those damn things hang like mellons on a vine. It ain't cute, especially since they are totally out of proprotion with her small frame. So then she try not to look at her breast and look her in the eyes. However this is impossible, because I find myself looking at what I know are cheek implants. Those damn things are so high and they look as hard as a rock, those along with her chin. It's like talking to a fucked up maniquin (plus her grill is a mess). Hell, and if you look away you feel like your being disrespectful. What the hell is a brother suppose to do.

Now, don't get me wrong. I ain't trying to hate but the reality is that even if Micheal Jackson was my brother. I'd love him to death, but it'd freak me out to be around him too much. There's a reason why absence makes the heart grow fonder, Damn it! So, in other words.......

BITCH, GO HOME!

And by the way, Happy Memorial Day.

-One Man's Opinon. Peace.

I Have a Question

I have a question and it is about masturbation.  No, it is not about who or why people masturbate.  I know the answer to both.  Everybody masturbates; men, women, animals...everybody.  Here is my question:  Do you think it is wrong to masturbate when you are in a legitimate, long term relationship?

My answer to the question is yes.  Now, admittedly I have not been in a relationship in forever, so I masturbated like nobody's business.  Hell, nowadays I  masturbate simply for the exercise.  However, when I was in a relationship I never did.  I never felt the need to. 

One of the reason why I didn't masturbate is because I felt like it was a form of cheating.  Yeah, I know that that's crazy talk but it is still how I felt at the time.  Other reasons why I didn't feel the need to masturbate is because  when I was in a relationship I was never as horny as I was when I was outside of a relationship, thus the need for sex was not as crucial.  Lastly, I always felt like, why should I have to masturbate when I have someone who is suppose to be there to help me for fill those sexual needs.  

Seriously, I honestly think that if you are masturbating in a relationship then it is a sign of trouble in that relationship.  I mean, think about it.  Why should you have to pleasure yourself if you are in a relationship.  Sure, I can understand it if that love one is not right there and handy, but if they are in the house with you then they should be there to for fill your sexual needs.  

Well, that's my take on the subject.  What's yours?

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.   

Questions for a Funeral

I am no longer on the streets good people, for those of you who do not know.  I now work in communications (dispatcher).  This week one of our ladies son commit suicide.  It was very tragic, as you can imagine.  Of course I believe that to be the case when anyone takes there life.  Suicide is an permanent answer to a temporary problem.  

At any rate today, when I got off work, I took a little nap, got up, dressed and went to the funeral service (Catholic).  Even thought it rained, it was a nice little gathering of people.  Not as many of her co-works as I would have imagined, but what do I know?

Anyway, I have some question for a funeral.  Ready?

Question one:  If you are at a funeral isn't it common sense to turn off your telephone?  I don't want to hear your blame it on the alcohol, ring tone during services.  

Question two:  I don't have a problem with people who bring their kids to funeral service however....Doesn't it make sense to take a crying baby out of the room during the ceremony?  Why would you keep a screaming child inside as a distraction?

Question three:  Who the hell drinks coffee at a funeral?  That's right....Coffee!  As I was standing in the cathedral there was a lady next to me that just keep drink her seven up coffee, from it's container.   What the hell?  I seriously wanted to knock the thing out of her hand.  Who does that?

Question four:  Why did the priest end up playing the song, "I get around", during the service.  At first I thought it was another cell phone going off, but no, it was coming from the pulpit.  So then I thought it was a musical tribute, when it continued to play for a good two minutes.  Then the priest apologizes and says he was looking for a song.  Seriously.  Can you believe that?

Question five:  Why is it that the when it was all said and done they could not get the front doors open and the line backed up as they were trying to get the casket out?  It was both said and comical at the same time.

Question six:  Why was the wife crying?  I was told that the reason he killed his self was because he had lost his job and his wife was cheating on him and asking for a divorce.  So why was she even there and better yet...Why was she outside yell for him not to leave her?  You were leaving him, damn it!

Anyway, that's about the size of it.  

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.

 Today, as you most likely know, is my family day.  If you don't know, Wednesdays are the days I go to spend with my family.  Today we had the new addition of my auncle.  My auncle is so funny.  First of all, she had one of those names that lead itself to be easily changed from mail to female, such as; Michael to Michelle or Danny to Daniel.    However, he went from Danny to a name like Chantellia or something like that.  Actually, her new name, which she has gone by for probably over thirty years, is very simple, I was just trying to explain how come I never understood why she didn't just go from the masculine to the feminine version of her name.  I'm sure there is a very logical reason behind it.  As a matter of fact, I'm sure I can figure it out on my own, if it was that serious....which it isn't.  

Anyway, while I was over to my mom's home I got to sort of connect with the auncle I had only meet twice in my life and had not seen in over twenty years or so.  We talked about everything, from my first memory of her and the verbal argument that she, my aunt and mom had that very first day.  A fight that was on the very street that we lived on, in South Dallas, with her dressed as a woman and yelling how, "yes" she had a "dick".  She told me how she didn't remember that and apologized to me.  I had to reassure her that it wasn't that big of a deal.  My family was known for having those kind of outside fights with each other and neighbors....in some cases where the police had to be called out.  It was just how we rolled.  She was just one more part of the crazy puzzle, and just happened to be wearing a dress.  

Then we sat down with my little sister and little sister asked her why she'd gone to jail.  This was the first time I heard the true story of why she killed the drag queen, who ended up not being a prostitute like I had always been lead to believe.  It was a very interesting and exciting story.  As I was listening to it all I could think of is how this woman needed to write a book.  Little sister thought her stay should be documented for a reality show.  Trust me, her stay is not going to be that more exciting then the CRAZY which is our family to begin with.  

Anyway, I learned slot about my auncle today.  She is a nice person and at the end of the day she came to me and thanked me for excepting her back into my life.  I just looked at her and asked her why she was thanking me.  We were family.  I was glad she had finally came to visit.  I love my family.  Crazy as their asses are.  Hell, I'm crazy my own self.  

Anyway, we are going to have one of our wonderful game nights on this coming Saturday, because I just happen to have taken that day off.  They were actually going to do it the Saturday after, but I requested that it be moved up.  One of the things I hate, probably the only thing I hate, about working deep nights, is that when we have family gathering I always have to leave so I can get some sleep and crap.  

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.  

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner....and longer

Guess who's in town.  You guessed it.  Well, you probably didn't.  It is my uncle/aunt.  I did a post about him one day, I just don't remember when.  Anyway, my transsexual uncle/aunt is in town.  He apparently came into town today and nobody told me.  I only found out when I had to go over to the house to get my key, because I locked myself out.  As you know, I lock myself out of the house more times then I care to admit, but this time it was not my fault.  My friend rushed me out, so we could go out and eat.  

Anyway, when I got over to the house I find out that my aunt/uncle is in town, so I sit and wait for her to come back, because she has went to the store with my little sister.  I had just given up waiting and was driving out of the driveway, when they pull into the driveway.  

I park the car and go to speak to my Aunt, who I have not spoken to in over twenty years.  The reality is that if I had not seen my Aunt in so long, if I had seen her in any other venue, I would not have recognized her.  

I was surprised to find out how long she was going to be staying (for over a month).  I am very concerned about her staying for so long, to be honest.  Like I said in the one post that I did about her, she did do hard time for murder, when she killed a prostitute who attacked her for standing on her corner.  And you know I am very protective of my family and I know that more crimes of passion happen to family members from family members.  I think I told you one of my uncles was actually murdered by another uncle (different blood).  

Anyway, I am not going to sweat it.  I am just too damn over protective. 

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.  

KFC Gots to be Mad at Oprah

I'm thinking that KFC is hating Oprah right now.  Okay, maybe not KFC, since they had to be on board with the whole free meal thing, but I bet you their employee's are pissed as hell.  

The reason why I say this is because I stopped by the KFC by my house to get some of the new baked, or however they cook it, chicken.  No, I did not have my coupon for the free meal  Our girl Ieshia did email me the coupon this morning, so I was thinking; "cool, I'll have some free chicken for dinner tonight."  Sadly, I could not get the damn coupon to print...expensive ass, piece of crap, printer.  Still, my mind was set on the chicken so I went anyway and just pay for my meal.

Let me just tell you the place was packed.  And when I say packed, I mean PACKED! The line to the drive thru went out into the street and the parking lot was so packed that the people were parking in the lot of neighboring businesses.  I was like, Damn.  It ain't that serious.  

And it really ain't that serious, people.  I mean I, like most black folks, love a good piece of chicken...and when you add the word FREE to the front of that....stand back.  However, I am not going to stand and wait for a hour to get some damn chicken.  I don't care how free it is.  lol

Besides, I've had the new chicken.  It's good, but it ain't all that.  Plus, I think they make it from midget chickens.  My pieces were so small.  Still, it is an alright piece of chicken and KFC is doing one hell of a job of marketing it.  As I was in the middle of typing this up I was also watching the Gary Unmarried, a sitcom on CBS and I'll be damn if they weren't pitching the new chicken.  

Still, I said it once and I'll say it again.  The employees of KFC must be hating Oprah's ass right now.  I know I would be if I worked there.  

-One Man's Opinion.  Peace.

Oh, and just for the record.  I appreciate all of you who were worried about me.  I have seriously been going through it at work.  I think I'm going to have to change the name of this blog and everything, but that is not what I have been going through at work.  They have been putting my ass through the ringer.  Still, just a quick update:

My niece got married and the ceremony was nice.  My other niece moved out on her own so now my sister is going through empty nest syndrome.  She funny.  The day after the first niece got married and moved out she had already turned her room into a bedroom for Manny.  

On the under one roof front.  Still working on it.  It is hard to find a house to accommodate my mom's handicap (and yes, we knew going end that we would have to make changes).  Now we are considering just adding own to my mom's house and my moving back in there.  They are checking out contractors now.  

Love you all.