Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Don't Look A Gift Horse.....


Okay, we all know the old adage about how you are never going suppose to look a gift horse in the mouth. But what if said gift horse had an amazing gold grill, a diamond studded tongue ring and his breath smelt amazing; like Doritos. Okay, I know you are all wondering where I’m going with this, so here goes….

As you all know, two weeks ago I had dinner with my little circle of friends. Well, today I was scheduled to have lunch with my good friend Edge and then dinner with my lifelong friends, Violet and Marina. Edge and I were scheduled to meet at noon, exchange gifts and had lunch. So, I drive over to Edge’s house, since we have some lunatic driving around in the Metroplex, shooting randomly at people. I get there and am viciously, verbally attacked by his pets; all of which have little dog syndrome. Then we play his Wii, which is hell-a fun. I want one. Then he gave me my Christmas card. When I see it’s a gift card I am already worried. I open it up and sure enough, this bastard has given me a two hundred dollar gift card to my favorite art supply store. I hate having friends with money. (Well, actually it would be more accurate to say, “friend” with money. Singular)

I know, I know. I sound like an ungrateful bastard and I promise you I’m not, but I am modest. I don’t merit a two hundred dollar gift card. Hell, I didn’t even spend that much on my damn self for Christmas, and I love me. If that Tom Tom wouldn’t have been on self you can bet I wouldn’t have bought that bitch. LOL. Anyway, this makes my paltry little American Express Gift card of fifty dollars, look like nothing. I tried to gift the gift card back to his ass, but he wouldn’t accept it. What a jerk, huh? If my to lady friends pull this shit at dinner, I’m gonna have to set it off! I ain’t playing.

Anyway, after lunch, we stopped by Target and I got gifts for two of my little male cousins, who I don’t think are going to get much for Christmas. They‘re mother is useless and I mean useless. Her ass can’t hold down a job and every year, around this time, she waits to bombard the churches to see what she can get for free, so her kids can have a Christmas. And I mean, every year. This is how every woman on that side of my family rolls. Plus, she’s a bit of a bitch. Anyway, her kids are five and nine, and I decided if I can adopt a whole class room of little strangers, the least I could do would be to by their little asses something for Christmas as well. No kid should have to do without on Christmas.

Anyway, this might be my last post, before Christmas, because my little nephew is getting some cool ass toys for Christmas, and Uncle One Man plans on being there to help him play with each and every one of them. So, here is wishing you all of you amazing people a blessed and Merry Christmas. I truly love and care about each and every one of you. I know that sounds strange, but I don’t care. Yall are like family and plus, I share shit with you people that I don’t share with anyone else. Now, that’s love.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace (on Earth)

21 comments:

clnmike said...

Lol, I hate when some one out gifts me!

RunningMom said...

I am the out-gifter, everytime, guaranteed. Unless I don't like you... then I don't care. lol

I would be really excited about a $200 gift card to the art supply store. Can you send some new brushes and acrylic paints my way? Thanks :)

RunningMom said...

Oh and Merry Christmas to you! We love you too (well at least I do!)

One Man’s Opinion said...

Runningmom, do you'll have Asel art supply where you are?

Sha Boogie said...

i know exactly how you feel! my co-worker (that i bought nothing for..) gave me a $50 gift certificate!

Mark D. Aster said...

If you're a veternarian, I think you are also required to look at a Gift Horse in the ass, to check for worms.

That being said, I wish you a Li'l Kim-and-two-of-her-sisters greetings (HO HO HO) and a Merry Christmas.

Super Dave Van Buren said...

Merry Christmas... I rarely ever get my friends gifts. We reserve christmas for family.

lyre said...

I hope I'm one on that list of love cause I want you to know that I love you, your mother, your sisters and brothers and Manny! And I can't wait to hear about your exploits at Christmas.
We're playing PS3 for Christmas! I wanted the Wii but money ran out! Don't you think there should be an after Christmas gift exchange in january for those of us who run out of money? I like that

UBERMOUTH said...

Merry Christmas Sarge! Love reading you. Would love to see Xmas family pics when you return.

The F$%K it List said...

I don't think anyone has ever out gift me, I have to say I rock during the holidays.

Well Happy Holidays, CJ and I have some serious toy action to deal with so I might be away for a bit!

Pajnstl said...

merry christmas!

JayBee said...

if it's done from the heart it's all good. maybe you can try to one-up him next year. as always, i enjoyed the post. btw, i'm still coming out there....one day.

RealHustla said...

You can't be out gifted if you buy and actual gift and NOT a gift card. It show's that the person is worth your time and thought, not just your money.

mountii said...

all i asked for was cash and clothes...my but is running out of undies like it was toliet paper

freemanpress said...

I am the no-gifter to under-gifter I even recycle gifts that people give me.

Eb the Celeb said...

yeah I guess we are like fam... hope you have a flourishing NEW YEAR!

cathouse teri said...

Cool, man. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas!

Madam Z said...

Exchanging gift cards seems kinda pointless to me. Why not just agree to buy your own selves something you want? Give your friend a card that says, "Instead of giving me some money, go out and buy yourself something with that money. And I'll do the same with the money I was planning on giving you." Doesn't that seem more practical?

Glo said...

" I truly love and care about each and every one of you. I know that sounds strange, but I don’t care. Yall are like family and plus, I share shit with you people that I don’t share with anyone else. Now, that’s love."

Dude. I can dig it. I feel the same way.

P.S. You must get a Wii.

MUST.

We have one and it has enriched my life. I've killed my mom with a turtle shell in Mario Kart, given my aunt a black eye in TKO Knockout. And shot my little brother profusley in Resident Evil.

I am full aware that violence is not the answer Mr. Officer, however, I would like to point out that no assualt charges can filed when playing this game. Maybe you could beat up your lil cousins mom? It'd make you feel better for her being a piece of crap...

Happy Holidays hunny bunny

Son of a Bishop said...

One Man you said: "Her ass can’t hold down a job and every year, around this time, she waits to bombard the churches to see what she can get for free, so her kids can have a Christmas. And I mean, every year." LOL!Say it aint so man! LOL!I've often wondered if there were people out there like that... I guess nothing surprises me these days; at least the innocent kids are the benefactors from the churches and their Big Rich Cousin One Man... :) Happy New Year One Man and continue to bless the little ones.

Caspar608 said...

youre a gift to us One Man.

believe that.