Okay, we all know the old adage about how you are never going suppose to look a gift horse in the mouth. But what if said gift horse had an amazing gold grill, a diamond studded tongue ring and his breath smelt amazing; like Doritos. Okay, I know you are all wondering where I’m going with this, so here goes….
As you all know, two weeks ago I had dinner with my little circle of friends. Well, today I was scheduled to have lunch with my good friend Edge and then dinner with my lifelong friends, Violet and Marina. Edge and I were scheduled to meet at noon, exchange gifts and had lunch. So, I drive over to Edge’s house, since we have some lunatic driving around in the Metroplex, shooting randomly at people. I get there and am viciously, verbally attacked by his pets; all of which have little dog syndrome. Then we play his Wii, which is hell-a fun. I want one. Then he gave me my Christmas card. When I see it’s a gift card I am already worried. I open it up and sure enough, this bastard has given me a two hundred dollar gift card to my favorite art supply store. I hate having friends with money. (Well, actually it would be more accurate to say, “friend” with money. Singular)
I know, I know. I sound like an ungrateful bastard and I promise you I’m not, but I am modest. I don’t merit a two hundred dollar gift card. Hell, I didn’t even spend that much on my damn self for Christmas, and I love me. If that Tom Tom wouldn’t have been on self you can bet I wouldn’t have bought that bitch. LOL. Anyway, this makes my paltry little American Express Gift card of fifty dollars, look like nothing. I tried to gift the gift card back to his ass, but he wouldn’t accept it. What a jerk, huh? If my to lady friends pull this shit at dinner, I’m gonna have to set it off! I ain’t playing.
Anyway, after lunch, we stopped by Target and I got gifts for two of my little male cousins, who I don’t think are going to get much for Christmas. They‘re mother is useless and I mean useless. Her ass can’t hold down a job and every year, around this time, she waits to bombard the churches to see what she can get for free, so her kids can have a Christmas. And I mean, every year. This is how every woman on that side of my family rolls. Plus, she’s a bit of a bitch. Anyway, her kids are five and nine, and I decided if I can adopt a whole class room of little strangers, the least I could do would be to by their little asses something for Christmas as well. No kid should have to do without on Christmas.
Anyway, this might be my last post, before Christmas, because my little nephew is getting some cool ass toys for Christmas, and Uncle One Man plans on being there to help him play with each and every one of them. So, here is wishing you all of you amazing people a blessed and Merry Christmas. I truly love and care about each and every one of you. I know that sounds strange, but I don’t care. Yall are like family and plus, I share shit with you people that I don’t share with anyone else. Now, that’s love.
-One Man’s Opinion. Peace (on Earth)