Hate To See a Grown Man Cry

(Let me just start by saying that this is one long ass post of me just venting. It is poorly written and just me ranting about some bullshit going on at my job. I did not proof it or anything, I just let the words flying, did a spell check and cut and paste. You have been warned.)

Don’t you hate it when people take your kindness for weakness? I believe myself to be one of the nicest people you ever want to meet. Out of uniform, I am very introverted and keep to myself, but in uniform I try to be approachable, friendly and happy go lucky. That being said, the worst thing anyone can do is underestimate my black ass and take my kindness for weakness, because it pisses my ass off. And trust me when I say you don’t want to piss me off. I am not violent, but I compensate in other ways.

The past couple of weeks on the Department have been a bitch. My fellow sergeants have been riding a disconnect and it is getting worst by the day. It all came to a head for me when I had a talk with two of my troops, who were implicated in playing a part in the harassment of one of their fellow officers. One of the two has already gotten in trouble and has been taken off the street. His investigation just came back and I recommended a Supervisor Report, not too harsh, not too lenient (it still has to be approved through the Chief of Police). So, after the first detail, I take them both into the conference room, shut the doors, take out my recorder and start the meet (I tape my meetings so people can’t go back and lie about what I said and nothing is open for misinterpretation). Our meeting last for about an hour and I lay down the law for the last time. I let them know that I don’t think they were involved, but I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t address the issue so they would have a chance to self correct.

One of the officers in particular tries to get me to give a name of the officer in question, whom they are, suppose to be harassing. I tell them both that this is not an official investigation so they are not entitled to a name. It should be enough for me to say what the allegation is that way if they are involved they would stop and if they are not involved then this meeting shouldn’t pertain to them and we just move on (I actually say more than that, but I am trying to keep this as short as possible). The meeting last for almost an hour; running into the next Detail time. I tell them I have to go into the second detail, but if they want to continue to talk me they could meet me by my desk after I came out of detail. One of the officers takes me up on this the other doesn’t.

After the second detail, I take one of the officers outside and we have a nice long talk, off the record (no tape recording). This bastard, who in the initial meeting knows nothing about any officer being harass admits to me that he has not only play a part, but is the main instigator of these events. I maintain my composer, let him know how disappointed I am in his behavior and tell him that this behavior would have to stop or else he would suffer dire consequences from me. He tries to justify his actions saying that he thought he had the type of relationship with the officer that allowed him to play such a childish prank, but I called him out on that lie as well.
Anyway, why we are talking and he is telling me how he is willing to go to the officer and apologize, Sgt. Lupe comes out the side door and tells me I am being summoned over the radio. I get on the radio and ask if someone was trying to reach Alpha Three Twenty. Low and behold, it is my Lieutenant requesting that I come back to the station. I get on the radio and inform him that I was actually already at the station and would come inside in a minute. Me and the troop finish our meeting, he promises that he will no longer play apart in any shenanigans and will just be about work and nothing more. Problem found, solved and all is happy with the world, right? Wrong.

I go inside and my Lieutenant, goofy son of a bitch that he is, asked me why it is that I had a talk with, let’s call him Crawdad, without Sgt., let’s call him Old Ass Bitch-Face. I tell him that I felt no need to have Sgt. Old Ass Bitch-Face sit in on a meeting between me and my troops and that I had taped the meeting to begin with. He tells me that didn’t matter and that technically Officer Crawdad was under Sgt. Old Ass Bitch-Face’s charge while he was working the station. (WHAT THE FUCK). Now I am truly dumbfounded and refuse to have this conversation until the other two parties involved are present to clarify.

He goes and gets Sgt. Old Ass Bitch-Face, who I don’t like to begin with, and Officer Crawdad, while I wait in his officer. Officer Crawdad makes it around the corner first, and it is a tell-tell sign to me that he has done something underhanded when he just stands outside the front of the office and doesn’t come inside until the Lt. and Sgt are with him. Everyone has a sit and I ask Crawdad what was going on. He goes on to inform me how disturbing my little meeting with he and the other officer had been to him and how Harassment is a very serious offense and how he was soooo scared that he was going to get fired and so he had went to the person that that he “believed to be his Sergeant” and ask if his conduct towards anyone could be considered disrespectful in anyway (not a quote, but something to that affect).

I first remind Officer Crawford that our meeting was taped and that I had said nothing that would have lead him to believe that he was being brought up on charges of harassment, nor did I say that he had been mention outright and some other stuff that is not important. Then I turn my attention to the Lt. and Sgt. Old Ass Bitch-Face that although Sgt. Old Ass had been a supervisor for longer than I’d been on the department (is badge is in the 1500 and mine is in the 7600), the reality was that on paper Officer Crawdad was my troop. The reality was that any trouble that Officer Crawdad got into would be handled by me, if Crawdad had to go and sit before the Chief if would be me that would have to go down there with him and that I was under no obligation to inform Sgt Old Ass because it was my job to correct my troop when he was doing wrong. Then a lot of other things were said, and I went out in the field to help Sgt. Lupe out on the Double Homicide that she’d been flagged down on (I will save you the truly gruesome details of what was found inside of the apartment).

A lot of stuff, regarding the mess that is going on between us Sergeants on deep nights is brought up, by Sgt. Lupe, while we are waiting for Homicide detectives, PES and the Medical Examiner to arrive at the location. However, all I can think about is the little incident with the Lt, Sgt and Crawdad. My mind is a swirl with trying to understand what happened that lead to me being called into the station, over the air mind you, by my supervisor (still not mad yet, just confused). I eventual get in contact with the Lt, and let him know that what had occurred disturbed me and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. I somehow felt disrespected. He tells me to just let it go (Okay, not I am mad).

I get home that morning and instead of going to bed I listen to the recorded meeting. Nope. Nothing said that could have been misconstrued by the officer, plus it was inappropriate for Sgt. Asshole, I mean Old Ass-Bitch-Face to go to the Lt. first instead of coming to me. I make up in my mind to fuck what the Lt. said and have another meeting, this time with Old ass and Crawdad, first thing when I get in. Well, as luck would have it, God was looking out for old ass, because for some reason he didn’t come in to work that night. Lucky for him, because I was gonna give his wrinkled, grumpy ass a stroke. However, I go and find a third watch Sergeant and ask him if he’d be so kind as to sit in on a meeting between me and officer Crawdad.
Once again I inform Officer Crawdad that the meeting would be taped and ask him to clarify what had occurred that lead to me being called into the station, by my supervisor, over the radio. He goes into this spill about how he thought that Sgt. Old Ass was his supervisor and how he was disturbed by our meeting from the previous day and how he was all concerned about being fired and a lot of other bull shit. What the fuck ever.

I let him know how disrespected I felt. How I went back to play the tape and how nowhere on it was it did it even remotely imply that he was anywhere endanger of being fired. I reiterate the fact that I am his supervisor all day long and I have walked him through every point of his IAD investigation and tied to make it as painless as possible for him. I tell him that I didn’t care if Sgt. Old Ass had been a supervisor since the beginning of time, he’s strips held no more authority than mine. I let him know how I wish that Sgt. Old Ass had been present for the meeting, but he was free to tell him the details of it when he returned the following week. I said a lot of things, and gone was my carefree, happy go-lucky, tone. I give him his time to speak again and start spouting off a bunch of bullshit, like I have dumb-fuck, tatted across my forehead. I call him on all his bullshit and let him know that this shit can never occur again. I let him know that it is a vagrant violation of our General Order for him to violate his chain of command the way that he had and I would not tolerate being disrespected like that again.
Well, I’ll be damn if the boy didn’t start to cry. I’m talking, lip quivering, take off his glasses, boo-hooing. How do you make a thirty-year old man, with a gun cry? I was taken aback and got up to comfort him, but I continued to lay down the law. After all was said and done, the other sergeant and I left him in the room to compose himself. I was sorry that I had to make the boy cry, but he needed to be put in check.

Anyway, a few other things happened over the weekend that lead to me writing the following letter to my co-workers:

To my fellow sergeants,

I am using this email to inform you that I am suspending my duties with the bar checks, until further noticed. I made the members of Community Prosecution and the others aware of this in our wrap up meeting this morning. I informed them that I would be passing the torch on to any of you good people who would like to carry on what I started. I think it is a good thing that we are doing, but because of other matters, that in my opinion, are petty, underhanded and somewhat passive aggressive that we have going on here on deep night I’ve decided to focus my attention back to the twenties; at least until we are able to fix the problem that lies deep within our mist. That being said let it also be known that if any of you need me for anything police related, that my services are always available.
I have decided that I will no longer play the game of rookie/senior sergeant. We all have a job to do and that includes being available for both troops and citizens when they call. No more will I be a part of taking a phone call, from anyone, when there are able bodied Sergeants at the front desk that can handle that call. It is unfair to the troops, the citizens and your fellow sergeants for the people staffing the front desk to have to go in search of a sergeant when there is one right in front of them. No more will I jump from supervisor call to supervisor call, when we have another sergeant, who will remain nameless, who talks a good talk, but more often than not will not play an active role and going out into the field to help out his fellow sergeants and troops. No longer will I play apart in the vicious game of he said she said, or any of the other behaviors that I consider to be childish and unprofessional.
For whatever role, if any, that I have played in the slow deterioration of what should be a positive work environment, I apologize. That being said, I reiterate the fact that I am now washing my hands of all of it. I use to think it was the “us against them” mentality that was the problem, but I see now that it is an “us against us” mentality that we are battling. I have seen the enemy and the enemy is us. Well, I don’t want to be the enemy any more.
Peace to you all until we can get back to the business of police work.

I CC a copy of this bad boy to my Lt., because I feel like he is obligated to get involved in all this shit. I am sick of trying to play the fucking peace maker. The repercussion of this letter is still coming down. (I DON’T CARE! I got God on my side.)

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.