Tag My Ass (But I Got Got)

Tag? Really? This better not be some trick or treat crap. Anyway, I got tagged by MP1 and I ain’t no party pooper (but I’m gonna kick his but if I see him in the street).

The rules of the game, apparently, are:

A). Link to the people that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1) One day I went to work with my underwear on backwards and did not realize it until I went to pee. What kind of shit is that? I will say that it keep my package nice and secure.
2) I can’t keep a clean house to save my life. I just don’t have that gene. I try to keep my house spic and span but it is hard for me and I have no idea why. I feel like Oscar, for the Odd Couple.
3) I wish that I had kids but am glad that I don’t. Sometimes I am so irresponsible. Do you know that one time I actually misplaced my gun belt? My gun belt, people! That shit ain’t cool.
4) I hate having to put my people in jail. It is one of the most unpleasant parts of my job. That being said, I hate it when I try to cut my people a break and they are just too damn stupid to know when someone is trying to prevent from taking them to jail. Get the chip off your shoulders people, not every cop is out to get you.
5) My biggest fear in this world is being homeless and unable to take care of myself. People think I am cheap but the reality is that I save my money out of the fear of one day being out of a job and having no one else to turn to.
6) I have some of the greatest friends in the world. True friends that have been with me throughout every major event in my life. Some things that even my family were not there for. That being said, I have am so afraid to host a party, out of fear that no one will come. Self-esteem issues…Yeah, I know.
7) Okay, this is my big one, because it is recent…Saturday night, me and some other officers were out on a call were a guy was shot. When we get to the apartment, along with the ambulance, everyone gets out their vehicle and are rushing to the victim’s apartment. My dumb ass trips over a speed bump. A speed bump. WTF is up with that? Now, I was behind everyone else, so I was hoping that no one saw, especially since I feel so hard. However, one fireman did see and hear, he came over to see about me. Well, of course I had to fringe pain so as not be look too pathetic. And get this; I ended up landing on and scrapping my knuckles. What kind of uncoordinated nigger lands on his frigging knuckles when he falls? Anyway, they ended up taking the poor guy that got shot to the hospital, but not before giving me some Band-Aids for my boo-boo (I don’t care. That mess stung). The shit would have been funny, if it had happened to somebody else.

If the Nose Fits, wear it.

Okay, I was not going to comment on Halle Berry’s controversial statement regarding a distorted picture of her that she revealed as what she would look like as her “Jewish Cousin” on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Of course, at the time I though it was just another one of the races being overly sensitive and taking things to the extreme (besides, don’t they know that black folks have an exemption and are allowed to make fun of all things white-unless they use “the other” f-word-if you know what I mean). Then I saw the picture in question (shown above). That shit is offensive. What kind of Jewish, cavewoman looking ass, cousin does Halle Berry have?
Then I had to decide if the comment was actually anti-Semitic in nature. You know a brother don’t know what that shit means. If it ain’t negative towards niggers, opps, I mean black folk; you know a brother don’t care. So I looked up anti-Semitic and the simple definition is prejudice against Jewish people (hating or discrimination against Jews). Why do Jewish people have to have there own fucking word? Why can’t they just say discriminating towards Jews, damn it? Hell, the next time someone says something prejudice towards black people I’m gonna call it anti-niggemitic.
I love the fact that one new article writes that Halle (her friends call her Halley, unless they are Jewish, then they just call her cousin) “apologizes after allegedly making a Jewish Joke.” Allegedly my ass….the bitch said it. That shit is on tape. ON TAPE, DAMN IT! Prior to the airing of the show Halle had misgiving about the comment, considering that no one in the audience laughed (and they laugh at just about everything on talk shows, they are trained to do so) and asked Mr. Leno to cut the segment out. Always the gentlemen, Mr. Leno meet Halle half way and muted out the word Jewish; leaving, I guess, the television viewing audience to wonder what cousin she had that looked like that. (Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Poor Halley, don’t she know that trying to take a negative comment off the air is like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool? It just ain’t gonna happen).
Okay, here is the kicker. In her apology for the statement Ms. Berry said; "What happened was I was backstage before the show, and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said, 'That could be your Jewish cousin!' And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn't mean to offend anybody. I didn't mean any harm.
"It was just supposed to be a silly segment. I am so sorry, and I apologize."
(I am telling you, black folks are becoming more and more like white folks everyday. Taking on all of their negative traits.) That shit is right up there with, “I’m not prejudice. Some of my best friends are black.” Of course, Halle trumped that by having here Jewish friends also work for her-- The double bonus. Whatever, Bitch. You said the shit, just like Janet showed the tit. Live with it and move on.
So, now we have keyed in on yet another thing Halle Berry can’t do. She can’t act and she can’t tell jokes. (Of course you know that this means her baby is gonna be born with a big ass, Michael Jackson’s original, nose). Oh well, thank God for Plastic surgery.

-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.

Don't Ass Me....

Hey, I was watching this commercial today and it dawned on me. Has anyone else ever noticed that Usher doesn't have an ass? I mean, what black man doesn't have an ass. (Not that I was looking...)
-One Man's Opinion. Peace.

Jail Bait....or T.I.'s Smile

Okay, I am feeling a tad bit lazy this weekend so I am just going to be bringing you an update on rapper T.I. As you may or may not have heard, he was release from jail yesterday on a 3 million dollar bond. Three million dollars….whew, it must be nice.
As a term of his release, Mr. I was placed on house arrest where he has to wear a monitor, 24 hours a day (which he pays out of pocket to have monitored)until he has to return to court. The only times he is allowed to leave his house is for medical appointments and court appearances; which doesn’t leave much room for the night life. Of course, if I had his money and mansion I’d bring the club atmosphere to me (You know, the whole if the mountain want go to Mohammed mentality and what not). He is also not allowed to own any firearms (which you would think would go without saying….ain’t that’s part of the reason his ass got tossed in jail in the first place) or have contact with any witness or informant in the case (which translates into no threats of retaliation).
I’m keeping my eye on this one. I am hoping that T.I. does the right thing until he can get this whole thing rectified, because…just like there is not a doubt in my mind that he is guilty of the charges against him there is also not a doubt that he has enough money to skirt those same charges. Hell, I could get him off and I ain’t even a lawyer!
However, we all know how notorious rappers are for doing the right thing and obeying the letter of the law, right? Am I right?
C’mon T.I. Do the right thing, brother. Get out of the game. You can make the music without actually having to live the life. Hell, do you think the people that write horror flicks actually go out and act out that shit for research? Grow the fuck up, man. I got other niggers to write about. But, let there be no doubt, if you fuck this up I will be right there to point a finger and laugh at your dumbass.
On the positive side….Doesn’t he have a nice smile.
-One Man’s Opinion. Peace.